Legend...wait for it...

...ARY!!*

2009. 

It's coming...

I wonder what it will be like.

2008 has to have been my Best Year Ever.

I went to 5 countries (6 if you include transits)

I made friends who I love even when I'm fighting with them

I saw the Lion King and Wicked live at the theatre in London

I fell in love even though it didn't work out

I felt truly beautiful for the first time

I grew as a person and learnt to understand my limitations

I got this place to experiment with my writing :)

I was happy.

I pray 2009 will be better for me and for everyone reading this...

This is also for every one going through a hard time at the moment. 2007 was horrible for me and if I had given up, I would never have experienced this truly amazing amazing year. It wasn't always easy as my previous depressing posts will show, but on the whole, my memories consist of a warm happy feeling...

I believe next year can be that year for you, if you let it

*Neil Patrick Harris on HIMYM brought that phrase to my attention

No words required

I was talking to my brother recently and it was brought to my attention that i have a lot of pent up man rage. I had never realised that I was so angry at men, and i don't even want to be, because its such an ugly stereotype of black women. He was telling me that i should find a boyfriend, and i said well me I am here for the lucky man, because I am tired of being on the lookout. so he laughed and said how many boyfriends have i had to be pissed off. Now, the thing is, it is the near misses that made me mad. 

• All the guys that call and call and then remember they have a girlfriend when you're in town. 
• The ones that ALSO call and call but at the end say it's not you it's me, while they are safely in India - and still keep calling wtf? (this actually just happened and is still fresh, and I can only laugh) 
  
• the wowo ones, 
  
• the fine ones who like you but cant help but be players ( in their own words, in my opinion, as long as youre not an animal, YES, you can help yourself, you just don't want to),
•  the hippies, (pot heads, lazy types, i mean pot cant be too bad once in a while but mehn everyday?)
  
• the nigeria-haters, 
  
• the any-intelligence-displayed-means-you're-acting-white, 
• the too-holy,
•  the cheap let's-hang-out-at-micky-d's (for God's sake I'd rather we cooked, I'm not a golddigger, I just need some style in my life),
•  the ones that show up for a date with their friend (?), 
• the ones that disappear for years and expect you to be single when they turn up (yes I am, but I'm not going to tell you that now am i?)

I'm not even bitter because i'm looking forward to the next guy in my life and I'm hoping that one will be the last. I just am not interested in looking anymore. My sanity can't take it.

I don't pretend to know what men want, but I am here to contend that although women are given all the trouble for always changing their minds, that it is in fact MEN who can never decide what they want. This is why they do all these things that make women unhappy with them and complain about them. Now, I'm not one to say men ain't sh*t like some people are (my personal theory is all people ain't sh*t), but seriously will it be all that bad to see one woman you like, talk to her, once or twice. If it seems that all your yarns flow and that you guys get along great, hang out. If there seems to be K-leg in the matter, here's the important bit, listen: MAKE IT CLEAR THERE AND THEN THAT YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS, or STOP CALLING HER. If there is no K-leg in the relationship, then its best you begin intense flirting and see how that goes, then make a move to make it 'official'. please. don't keep saying , i sorta like this chick but i don't know oooo, maybe? if only? hmmm? lemme see... lemme keep the poor chick in the dark but let me keep flirting with her so that she doesnt have time for any guy more interested than I am and so so and so.

humpff

***DISCLAIMER: I HAVE LOTS OF MALE FRIENDS, I'M JUST CRANKY AT MR.INDIA AT THE MO***

Nigeria Here I come

I have prepared a series of posts scheduled to be delivered when necessary so that I can be in touch with the people I am getting very fond of (you guys!!!). They will be delivered every sunday till the new year and if there is a change, i'll tell you, so come and come often! (ibiluv will say 'that's what she said' right here haha)

First order of business: thank you for all your comments and encouragements. Although I came here to write I find myself more and more comfortable sharing my little stories with you lot :D and I hereby take what I'm going to call a 'bloggers vow'. This means that:

I Wordsmith, may be known to you as any other name, will never again disappear from

 blogville. I may not post as often, or may take a hiatus, but I will not randomly delete my blog.

 I will stay up to date, I will answer questions and I will tell the truth. If my anonymity is 

questioned, I will merely delete embarassing posts and remain ever yours. And...if anyone 

discovers my real identity, i have decided it is no horrible fate and will stay here telling my 

tales.

So help me God.

Get out clause: If anything ever changes my mind, I will give due warning to my blog pals and STILL remain in touch. sound fair?

good.

Second order of business: I will soon be in Nigeria. Email me at omoobanta@gmail.com for my number and we can gist. Of course no anonymous or unknown personalities will be answered...

toodles

WS

Ultimate bit of randomness

Hello people.

This is like shoe season in blogville: for example

I bought cute shoes , what y'all think?

hmm yeah i love round toe shoes on my UK size 3 feet, yum.

 and i love that they are always on sale because nobody else can fit into them.

I walked on Oxford St and there is nothing amusing to report to you.  I met a beggar yesterday though who (very specifically and seriously)  asked for 850 pounds to take him to Barbados or anywhere in the Carribean. I actually laughed because I was that shocked. I then gave him 20p to start his impossible mission. 

I will be very sad to leave London behind.

A big thank you to the person who found me the Agama Label shirts.

I realize I don't talk about my family very much, but I have a short short story which is about what I imagine my great grandmother would be thinking if I could understand her dialect. It was supposed to be an intro to one of my many abandoned story projects..

It's called: All you have to do is listen harder

            I live in a world that I no longer belong to. Imagine that. My family treats me like a priceless relic that everybody loves but nobody wants responsibility for. I don’t understand them but I know people. I know what they are thinking.

I am not deaf but the familiar sounds of the children I bore, their children and their children after them are incomprehensible to me.  Take for example this one in front of me grinning at me as if I am a little child. She is speaking to me. Or rather she is speaking at me. Whatever it is does not matter at all,  as we do not understand each other. I tell her I love her, that she is the flesh of my flesh of my flesh. She keeps smiling in that frozen way that indicates that she has no idea what I am saying but somehow wishes me to be happy. I turn away and look at the television in which impossibly young women smile at me and speak to me in words that hold no meaning for me. It is not that I have lived too long but that nobody else has lived long enough.

 She is smiling at me like I am a helpless child, even though t I gave birth to her grandmother. She looks at her watch and looks like she wishes to be somewhere else. I wish I could tell her not to bother with that frozen one-place smile.  Time holds no meaning for me anymore. I was here before she was born. I will be here when she returns from that far away place across the sea. For now, I am the embodiment of time to her.

I NEED YOUR HELP

So i've been questing for these polo shirts i once caught sight of, i looked on Sugabelly's shirt site here, and even considered buying stuff from there but it's not the one I want. It's a polo shirt that has  since 1960 on it and something about nigeria, as well as a coat of arms in the front. I can't remember specifics but will know it when i see it. if you know what i'm talking about help me... sorry for the vague descriptions :(

I'm famous LOL

Hear me sing my karaoke version of Santa baby here, 

Are my thoughts worth a Penny? : A day in wordsmith's life

Diary Entry:

Today I decided to go to church. I went with my friend Honey*, our other friend Eagle* decided to sleep in. It was a dreary day in London again as we walked there in a freezing drizzle and I was as usual inappropriately prepared for the weather in my ballet flats.

I was freezing cold and by the time we got to church I couldn't feel my feet despite the fact that they looked cute.

Honey's church is nice. Everyone there is young but married so I focused on the word. The word was about Samson. I realised that Samson was not a very nice man, because he spent most of his time killing people. I wonder if the Philistines thought he was a terrorist. Samson once killed many foxes by setting their tales on fire just to annoy the Philistines. Samson did not like animals very much either, he seemed to be always killing them too. He was also rude to his parents and God. God's love must really be unconditional.

Honey's church is full of nice people. After service they gave us cupcakes like these.

I only had one because I'm feeling very vain at the moment and i don't want to waste all efforts at the gym.

Honey is very studious so she went to the library after church. I had to walk back by myself, which was fine because I felt very whimsical today. It had stopped raining but it was still cold and damp.

I walked through Russell Square on my way home. The ducks have gone somewhere nicer and the little pond looked a little forlorn.

I saw three gay men and a tiny dog in a sweater. I wondered if they were all together or one pair was a couple and the third was an awkward friend trying to be nice.

I saw three thespians practicing their lines. I wondered if they were any good, and maybe they are so bad nobody will let them practice inside.

I saw a bench dedicated to a dead woman by her family and fiance. I wondered what happened. It was very sad.

I wondered if anyone was looking at me and wondering too.

Then I went home and wrote this post

* not real names, obviously

<3

WS

The Circle

my short story is still incomplete but enjoy this one inspired by my life till I can sort myself out. WS

Four women, one man and their dreams,

sat around the wine bottle of contemplation,

best friends, sharing thoughts and intimations,

of what the future might hold for these five-

One year of love, laughter and joy

One year together, with spirits ahoy

One year was over-one year was done.

Four women, one man and their ambitions

sat around the hookah pipe of meditation

sharing memories and missed stories,

all five still a group and very much a team

Three years apart, but still in minds

Three relationships, two calls to serve

five dreams not quite as planned

But five friendships still well in hand

Four women and one man full of love for each other,

All from the time they lived together

Mumbai...

As terrible as all this is, am I the only one horrified by the fact that people blatantly only care about the western dead?

Or maybe I'm just too sensitive.

Wordsmith presents...

decided to post an old one while i finish something i think is pretty good and i have been procrastinating about for 2 years

enjoy

DINNER TIME

The Silence resounds.

The click clacketting of the forks echo

in that cavern of silence.

The words that should have been said

float in the Tension, unheard

 

The young one looks up

She wants to free her imprisoned thoughts;

but the click clacketting keeps click clacketting

with a vengeance,

and the thoughts stay locked up.

 

The mother refuses to look at Him,

as he glowers and eats,

Click, click…click click

 

The phone rings

And for a minute the loudness of the Silence

Is swallowed up. 

God Answers Prayers ...

if you feel the desperate need to read this, email me for a password...omoobanta@gmail.com

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Friends...

are the family you choose. I think I've chosen well this year, unlike last year.

I have so much to say and I'm debating whether to say it... but I'll be back with some Wordsmith stuff soon.

SEX

Got your attention didn't I? Comment in order to read post. No anonymous commenters will be answered.

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So, i got a letter from myself...

Basically every year I send emails to my future self on my future self's birthday because it is cathartic to think I will get out of whatever issues are bothering me at some point in the future... I was kind of unhappy in this one so there are a lot of typographical errors-i was yet again being extremely insecure- I don't know why I always do that around this time every year. You can ask questions about what became of the further stories in this letter. There is so much to tell about October 2007 and I don't know where to start....so readers decide :) I will paste questions and answers here at the bottom of this letter. 

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Tuesday, October 30, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe, 

I wonder if you remember this feeling of utter hopelessness. Please be alive to read this message.. Don't give up. Things have to get better. I hope you're happily looking forward to going abroad. I hope you're much happier anyhow. I hope you have friends who don't ignore you when it pleases them. I hope that you have found that niche where you belong. I hope that you are in love with someone who loves you back this time. If he doesnt love you back, stop it before you really get hurt, don't let it happen again.

I hope yo know what you want. I want you to never let other people's actions affect the way you feel about yourselves. Don't do it its not worth it. This is just that part of your life that maybe you won't achieve qite as much as you wish to.

Move on. Please don't still be dwelling on the Frenchman.

I love you. 

You're not fat.

Really. 

I love my friends...

Because they love me even when I'm annoying.

Birthday Post!!

I'm 20 and I feel....

well exactly the same!

Thanks to Aloofar and Ade for remembering to say happy birthday... the rest of you hmmmmmm lol- after all the announcements!?

I've been reflecting on my life more though and I was just thinking ...

1. that I'm a 20 year old virgin (as far as I remember, there is that black out the first time I got drunk- I kid I kid lol). My friend actually bought me chastity beads for my birthday so that 'she will know when i have done the deed'. That girl is a clown...

The funny thing is that the older I get the less likely I am to lose it just anyhow because I think it feels worth more to me personally.. in that I refuse to lose it (after all this time) to some lame guy on some dorm room bed... lol.  Also, I know myself and I'm not likely to be pressured by some fool I don't love...

2. Happiness: I think that the more I not only know myself but also accept myself the happier I become...and seriously guys have now been asking for my number. Men, it's when you decide to face your books that they remember you lol

So what did I do for my birthday...I just hung out with my friends, ate jollof rice and generally acted mature with ourselves ...this was after traipsing around London in the freezing cold trying to complete a to-do list before I turned 20...

Finally we decided we were too old for that and went home to eat rice...

How was your weekend?

You have GOT to be kidding me

On the depressing post. Let's chalk that down to a case of PMS and being dumped by 2 of your besties on the same day to go hang out with their men, as well as being in serious like with someone who treats your affection like sand in a basket...it will never be enough. But. you gotta take the good with the bad and life is not always happy

 I really should open one blog for personal stuff and gist and another to do my writing in.

So anyway I have some interesting stories for you guys...

 

1. I'm standing in my local Tesco's (gotta love the 24 hour Tesco, can I get an Amen?) and a man standing next to me on his cell phone goes "I mean, you can just tell her it was a great big mistake the next day..." I was like, this prolly isnt what it sounds like and I shouldn't be eavesdropping when he goes "I mean just sleep with her first and tell her that later..." . I kid you not. Why do men do shilz like this , for real. I always thought that you don't PLAN mistakes...am I wrong?

2. I'm at the Thisday festival in London when I see Tyson Beckford stroll past. At first I stare at him in pure adoration (yup no cynicism there). Then I roll up my tongue for immediate use and say, I swear, 'Mr Beckford, may I take a picture with you...' I was afraid to say Tyson in case he thought I was rude. Man looks through me like I'm water!!! I thought maybe he didn't see me cos I'm 5 foot zero and a 52 kilos so I jog after him yelling "Mr Beckford, Tyson" etc,  (DON'T JUDGE, I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE DONE WORSE lol) when I see Olu Maintain staring at me like "wtf". So I stopped in shame. Don't worry when Im famous and Tyson is old and fat I will ignore him in public hopefully on CNN. 

3. Some No-name model bumps into Alek Wek on the runway and Alek gives her this "I'm the Alek Wek, bitch!" look. It was classic.

4. Colin Powell dancing yahoozee and matrix. Nuff said.

Don't tell me I don't gist you all!!! Stingess you rock jo, bring back Nigerian childhood. 

My birthday is on Monday (I feel like I'm in Primary school lol, i even wanna buy birthday dress which is diff from birthday suit o LOL)

On Angelina's plan to adopt more kids

Kids: ..just as we were getting to know each other!!

(All quotes are completely from the fertile imagination of the blog author, do not quote as fact LOL)

Blog Action Day

Poverty

Bisi got up from her patch of dirt and surveyed the landscape, shielding her eyes from the rays of the sun. She paused and looked down at her too-small dress, now stained with dirt. There was no thought in the prematurely mature mind of possible consequences of the filth-she had no family, at least none who still cared about how she presented herself to the world. The sun indicated it was around time to get moving and she slowly started walking. The last time she had kept playing in the dirt till dark, very bad things had happened to her and she had learned to run away from the dark in the city of Lagos.

Sometimes if she was lucky someone would feed her and ask her about her day. Today she was not so lucky and her stomach rumbled as she waited patiently outside the big house near the roundabout. Maybe they would throw some food out with the trash for the kole (garbage man) to sort out.

The gate opened and she hid behind a electric post. Two teenagers came outside with recycled rice sacks holding the day's garbage ready for next-day collection

"Can you imagine, upon all this work they're forcing me to do, I only have 1K, that can't even buy popcorn to go with my movie at silverbird"  said a young girl who looked only a few years older than Bisi

"Don't worry, if you arrange yourself very well, Daddy will sort you out.." replied a boy who looked like the girl's elder brother.

Bisi's focus was not on the casual conversation but instead on the potential of dinner awaiting her in the sack. The inhabitants of this house were particularly wasteful, and she knew there was a real chance of a meal. She however caught enough of the conversation to wonder at the casual discussion of =N= 1000. If she had a thousaand naira... she didn't allow herself the luxury of dreaming and refocused on the mission at hand.

They locked the gate behind them and she pounced-but soon came up in disappointment. In their hurry to get their chores done, the siblings had not taken care as the maid usually did to tie kitchen trash up properly, and all the trash was mixed up. It was inedible.

It would be another hungry night for Bisi.

*****************************************************************************************

Today is blog action day, and the theme is poverty. 

Nigerians, remember when Mrs Okereke-Nyiuke raised a ridiculous sum of money for Obama in one night? 

It got me thinking of the status quo in Nigeria. If it is so easy to raise $6.3 million over night, why do the privileged not do more for the less privileged? Just one of those dinners held annually-would contribute immensely to the life of at least some poor people.

There is so much waste in our country in terms of resources but also in terms of people. There are so many talented Nigerians held back or driven into vice by the inadequacies of our society: in terms of healthcare, education and social services. It's time we did something. 

Instead of being at least a little more helpful, we Nigerians abroad spend so much time complaining. I'm not going to pretend to have definite answer, but I will say that we might at least consider what we can do instead of what we can't.

Blog Action day 2008

Dear God

I have sinned I'll agree. Dear Lord please forgive me. 

Lord it seems that it is your will that I be alone when all my friends are happy, and I must accept that. Your will be done. But Lord, I do not wish to be that jealous butch, or that wrecking heifer. I do not want to lose my friends over petty jealousies I feel growing in me. And for my sake and their sake, I beg for forgiveness. Lord, please grant me peace and serenity to live with this life you have chosen for me. It is not my will, but my will is of no consequence to you. I do not wish to sound so bitter, but lonely is not what I saw in my future, and I am desperately unhappy. I have no one to turn to as my friends will not understand and may not trust me any more, and I am afraid for this bitterness is seeping through.

God, please give me the tools to live this life you have set for me. I need to feel your love, which I rarely feel these days. It must be lonely for you too, being the only true God, in all places at all times, being all things to all people, being Love at all times. I understand loneliness. It maybe that it is you alone who loves me these days. I remember what you did do for me and I love you too, if that helps

Love,

Me

Guess what!

Hello people!

London has been pretty awesome because i've been meeting so many people, making friends and having a blast because I'm in a country where I am so legal! Anyway. so i'm happy to be let loose on London with my awesome girlfriends. Lots of hot guys too-yummy!

I'm also quite surprised that my Ijebu self forked over some money to go to the Thisday concert to see Dbanj!!!! So y'all need to know that I love that guy for no known reason seeing as I'm a 'rabid feminist', although I'm a 'rabid feminist' who likes pink, boys, and bows on my shoes. So sue me. 

Anyway, yeah the cheapest ticket was 55 quid so I closed my eyes and clicked on the button-somehow i feel better about silly choices when i close my eyes while doing it. Like when I bought a ridiculously expensive pair of Aldo shoes and handed over my card with my eyes shut. The cashier thought I was a freak-but it was all worth it and I've had those shoes in perfect condition for 2 years going on 3 now :)

What was I talking about-D'Banj! He is like a Nigerian Elvis, with his tight clothes and the pure adoration I have for him.

Is anyone else going to Africa Rising, then ?

Toodles..

P.S I have no fiction yet-Chari-any ideas?

P.P.S my birthday is coming up really soon-ima be 20 on Oct 20! Erm, i'd love to do a Vera and give you all my mailing address but that would go against the whole point of anonymity- especially since I've given you my birthday and location :S.

Wordsmith live from London!/ Little Wordsmith business

Hello people, this is me reporting to you live from London, and I am here to tell you that the Nigerians have taken over i repeat, the Nigerians have taken over. This city is no longer an English city, as we all know it is now a world city run by Nigerians and Indians.

Speaking of Nigerians, we interrupt out regular programming to report that tomorrow from as early as dawn, do not panic if you see gorgeous young people dressed in green, white or Nigerian national dress. It is a day of pride because if Nigerians have achieved nothing at all, at least they are free to ruin their country all by themselves, and we must celebrate something or the other, am I right?? Right as true Nigerians, bring out your party clothes, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

and now to the regular programming -a very short piece of made up story for your pleasure. Comments and constructive critics are welcome

"...For the heart of man is desperately wicked..." says the Lord

      Sometimes I want to do bad things, terrible things. Sometimes I plan … things… before I shake myself and keep walking. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of an unnatural light in my eyes when I look in the mirror. Sometimes, I wish for horrible things and laugh before I realize I should stop. Sometimes I watch movies and I identify with the villain and scream internally when people cheer the death of the bad guy. I am your worst nightmare, because it is not the known ones-the crazy drunk, the crack head, the robber or the laughing lunatic that you should fear. It should be me, who sits on the edge of madness every single second, whose limits blur slowly but with certainty every single day.

 

I dream dark dreams. Dreams pulling me to join them in the darkness, to help them become reality. Sheer willpower and my mother’s prayers tie me to the light, and that fragile link holds for one more day.

 

For my sake. for your sake, perhaps it will hold steady. I am not the last of my kind.

Rant.

Hey people, thanks for ...listening?...reading?...supporting? Anyways thanks. I won't go into further detail about the previous because the whole thing is mostly my own fault. 

But, I do have something to get off my chest. Why is it that in Nigeria or at least in Lagos, its so hard to find good work? I love my country but this summer I had to spend the whole time making do with sloppy workmanship in all walks (works?) of life. I may be slightly picky but this "approximate" way of looking at things does NOT work for me. What do I mean by approximate?  I mean the way Lagosians will say that's kind of or approximately what you want so why don't you just manage it?

Err...because I'm PAYING for it???

For example an electrician comes to do the wiring and 'fixes' it so that it works but the socket and wires are hanging off the wall precariously and it all looks very shoddy. Like WTF, just because you dont mind living in a hovel doesnt mean I like to live like that.

Or you pay for a French manicure and they can't paint it straight so they tell you you have crooked nails and you need to manage it. Can I get a HELL NO. I had to call the manager before I got a good manicure, and this is after making them do it twice already. Dude, like is this is my first French manicure? I know I don't have crooked nails, don't blame your incompetence on my (by the way, lovely!) nails. Needless to say I need to find a new manicurist in Lagos, does anyone know a good one around Ikeja to Ilupeju area?

Or you ask for a very specific pattern for your very expensive Wodin to be sewn in and the tailor comes back with something that looks nothing like it you have to 'manage' the fugly mess. Why? I have to wear it not the stupid tailor? I want my money back.

Everywhere I went I had to 'manage' substandard service or grin and bear it when everyone tried to cheat me. And to make it worse when I won't stand for all the rubbish my mother starts telling me I'm too picky and I can't fight it because its part of Nigeria.

Let me tell y'all something if everyone keeps 'managing' rubbish, Nigeria will go further into the toilet as long as nobody strives for excellence. We 'manage' everything from bad government, bad schools, bad electricity, bad roads, bad police everything! We just manage and keep silent and then we wonder why our nation sucks! The answer. WE SUCK AT POINTING OUT WRONG THINGS AT THE RIGHT TIME! we wait till it will be difficult to repair before we start to say something...

OK finished ranting

promised I wont be an Alatenumo.

Thinking in London.

I went to the other side of the world to get away

but you wouldn't let me go, you wouldn't give up

now that I understand how you feel

I find you have finally given up.

Run Times

***this is only vaguely attached to my past life in a very teeny way i promise, for example I still have a low paying job as a student worker and I don't consider myself in anyway a quiet type :)***

I was exactly 19.605 years old when I first ran out of words. I was silent for the first time in 18 and a half years, the first time since I first started chattering almost without a stopping, except to eat (sometimes I chattered while eating) or sleep. I wish I could tell you a very exciting or tragic story as to why this happened, some story that would make you weep very hard or laugh out loud like IMers claim to do all the time on yahoo messenger. I wish it were a story you could put on Lifetime and make inspirational for women, and struggling people. No, this isn’t that story. I think I had just spoken so much, so fast and for so long that I had said all I had to say about anything.

I was by no means absolutely mute. I answered questions, I asked questions, I spoke to people. I just became that characteristic alien to my previous nature: taciturn.

I was sitting on a bus when it happened. All my friends had gone home for the holidays and I was alone in our small town with no one to chatter at. Someone sat next to me and said: “will you be staying till the end of summer?” and I said “Yes”. I did not say : “Yes, I’ll be working and …..” or “Maybe, I haven’t decided yet but....” Just “Yes”.

I was tired of everything and had a good feeling that everything was tired of me, or at least my voice.

When I got home that day, for the first time the silence in my room did not overwhelm me. I did not immediately turn on the radio, or the TV to fill the silence.

I sat.

I thought

I looked at my life.

My life consisted of a low-paying job that fuelled the purchase of not very attractive low-quality clothing on my US size 10 frame and also the purchase of cheap food that maintained the said size 10 frame

“Not attractive” I thought. All of a sudden, my mind shook and groaned under all the weight of the dissatisfied thoughts that had been repressed amidst my chattering. I felt an almost physical pain as I thought of all the unpleasant aspects of my life

And just like that I decided to run.

I can’t tell you that the minute I started running, I could run everywhere and anywhere without running out of breath. The first time, I turned back after 15 minutes and swore never to go again.

Soon, though I realized that I only got absolute clarity in my head when I was running (or shall I say trying to run…) and soon the weight became too heavy to bear and I wandered out again.

Whenever I put on my sneakers I ran away from all my issues, silently, with no music but my thoughts towards a destination I was not sure existed. I ran in the rain or sun. I ran whether I felt like it or not.

One day, I got to my destination.

I did not recognize my destination when I saw it. It looked strange and unfamiliar. My destination was happy and beautiful. My destination glowed and was full of light. My destination beckoned with a bewitching smile.

My destination was me.

First of all, my heart goes out to Buttercup o, for those of you in the know just pray for her ...although it will be kind of interesting with a God from Nigeria.

Me: "Dear God, I'm praying for Buttercup"

God: "Abeg, I have people with real names to deal with"

Me: *grovelling* "Please now you know who I mean, Lord" 

God: ....long silence "I'll think about it..."

In other news

So tomorrow is my last day at work o :( but no more leaving the house at ridiculous hours :)

Its kind of annoying but today when I'm about to leave all the fine boys started work *HHHISSSSSS* . I am not obsessed with boys but like i've had to manage all kinds of ugly so and sos toasting me and the fine ones are now just coming. I'm so annoyed ...they're prolly wondering what happened to my face (i keep squeezing it cos my colleague keeps going on about how fine they are and how much she's looking forward to working with them)

anyway sha i'm excited to be going back to school...Did i tell y'all that although I usually go to school in Boston I'll be in the Europe on exchange soon. Yup. I love travelling up and down and pretending to be a JetSetter. 

I heard that the Nigerians in Europe (particularly UK) scene is extremely snobbish..any ideas if this is true and why?

Funny/Weird Story number 1

You know that guy who was calling me almost religiously that I mentioned, well I thought I should send him a package since he has been burning up his phone cards on me. That was now the last time I heard from him. Did I overwhelm him or what? It was just a small present o nothing too fancy. Ah Well. I'm off to the land of hot gentlemen. i don't mind, I'm a single 20 year old. The world is my oyster.

Funny/Weird Story number 2

Ok yesterday on my way home from work , I saw a tow truck with a car on its back and towing another. I now saw it broken down later in traffic being towed by another truck so imagine. a truck being towed by a truck being towed by another truck while carrying a truck. priceless. O ye kin ya photo (I shoulda taken a pic)

And Finally

Getting back to my wordsmith role I gat a short story for you guys...as soon as I finish it.

Thanks to everyone who stopped by my blog! I'm so happy to have been Charized. Chari go and call B'cup o or something

Toodles,

Smith

Getting to know you...

Does anyone remember The King and I which was like the razz junior brother to the Sound of Music. There was this song on it called "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you..."



I know. dryness. but its stuck in my head so sue me...



Alright *cracks knuckles* here goes..

Wait! So I had a GREAT weekend and...alright i'll get to it...



Charizzle asks



1. What's your greatest fear...

That'll be a tie between being morbidly obese and going to hell after a painful death. Call me shallow but the thought of being very fat scares me

2. Are u wit someone now..how una meet? do u think he's the one...

I'm not with anyone, but I do have someone I really like that calls me in Lagos everyday from where I go to school abroad. weird. we met at a geeky african students meeting. i think he could be perfect for me but I don't believe in 'the one'

3. Tell us what ur lofty dreams are..

My lofty dreams include making my name famous in Nigeria in a good way for generations to come
.
4. Ur favorite spots on blogville...

Too many to mention...you know how you can go from blog to blog for hours on end? but for now i'll say the ex-school nerd, afrobabe as well as everyone on her blogroll, Vera, You and Buttercup (no but seriously), Solomonsydelle etc

Temite asks
"What was your biggest mistake and did u learn anything from it"
I don't really know yet as in time will tell. For now I think my biggest mistake was letting my self esteem issues control me when I was much younger, but now I've learnt not to be afraid of anybody's idea of me.

Buttercup is like
"Are you male or female"
Tried to be vaguely ambigous but I'm glad to be a woman. or girl. dunno. when do you cross the line?? whenever i say a woman my mum bursts out laughing sooo...

Anyway I hope this was fun...everyone loves to peek into other people's lives don't they?

Later!
Smith

Get to know the 'smith

I guess I'm an Aseju person (excessive person). First I run away and don't come back for months and now im blogging everyday. I used to be a regular blogger before I deleted my blog a couple of years ago... and now this is the new re-invented me. This is supposed to be a mishmash of submission : short stories, poetry and my life.

Getting to work today was dramatic o-(even the work I was rushing to I'm here blogging! Pssshhhwww) First of all the driver doesnt show up till 7 am and if youve read my post from 2 days ago you'll know why this is drama. In addition, he ran a stop sign (really just a man dressed in black screaming 'STOP!!!' same difference ehn?) and got arrested. So I left him and hitch-hiked to work. Yes. I hitch-hiked in Lagos. God really has my back...

So...we're going to play a little game called 'Get to know the 'Smith' so I can make friends on blogville and stop being horribly lonely hehe. This is how it goes, anyone who reads this has to leave a comment with any question for me except "What's your real name?" or a meme and I have to answer it. shikena! so easy!!

In addition each week I blog I will mention a blog I think is extremely well-written. (i'm so full of myself ain't I? one person is reading this and i think i'm a star lol)

nyways

toodles!

Goodness gracious me, 2 posts in 2 days...

I certainly did not write this...but I think its excellent...these are lyrics by Mark Schultz. It's making me cry at the moment... So pretty

Walking Her Home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you’ll never leave her side
He took her to a show in town
And he was ten feet off the ground

(Chorus)
He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he’s got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

(Chorus)

He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night
And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out

But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Mark Schultz / © 2003 Crazy Romaine Music (ASCAP) (Adm. by The Loving Company)

*Insert Clever Title Here*

To any ghost readers there :), I haven't been on this blog because I had absolutely nothing to say that I thought was important. It has however recently come to my attention that things I consider to be extremely boring may be interesting to others.

At the moment I'm in Lagos ...I have been for three months actually. And Yes, I actually feel a little comfortable now that there has been a little bit of light... :D That's actually the only thing that can completely drive me from Lagos. Electricity. I hate hustling to iron or wash my clothes, or pump water o anything like that. Anyway Lagos is now looking fresh o...as in  there might be something in this Eko o ni baje thing sha.

I've been working in Lagos and battling the third mainland issue ...if you guys havent heard about it...there's one major way of getting from the Lagos Mainland (mostly middle class housing) to the Island (mostly upper class housing and business district) and that is the Third Mainland. Now this Third Mainland was rumoured to have been vibrating and for once in the life of Nigerians, it was actually decided to save lives BEFORE a major catastrophe could happen and actually start repairing the bridge. SO part of this major bridge that at least half of Lagos' ten million residents drive through at least once a week is closed. Chaos ensued.

But ...its been rather organized and I usually get driven so I can catch up on my sleep when I leave the house at 6 15 am to get to work at 9am (nope not a typo...)

In short Lagosians are still alive and kicking. We will survive because we always survive, that is the Lagos way...as long as no Tsunami shows up we'll be good... (God forbid...I have a morbid imagination)

Wanderer

Are you going home? they say
I give the same answer day after day.

The real answer weighs heavy...
I should say-
I have no home. no,
Not really.

I have no place with that all-encompassing feeling
of comfortable warmth and constant healing..
no place that feels that special brand of right
so that I can just let go,
no such place for me, oh no.

Everywhere I am I want to be home
Even where I should be.

First post

so i just wanted a place to write a little every week and get feedback. that's all..im trying to get more diligent with my writing.

Here's my first thing

Tears are for the weak

Inside me they
pour like water from a broken dam.
They thunder,
leaving destruction and pain,
lots of pain, in their path.

They hurt like something is
physically wrong and
my heart really does feel like it’s
broken in two and leaking,

leaking torrents of tears.

These relentless inside tears are
Unstoppable and free-flowing
They simply
Just won’t go away.

But
Outside me that damn dam stays strong and
I look up and smile seemingly easily
Because a long time ago I learned that
tears are only for the weak.