Graduation

The raindrops fell hesitantly, in that New England manner, as though it couldn't decide whether or not the day would be rainy or simply cloudy. I watched two children roll giggling down the grassy hill, getting up and climbing back for more fun times. I thought it would be great if we could all take life like that - what seemed to me to be potentially dangerous and probably painful seemed like great fun to them.

My friends graduated today and I will miss them. But I want them to succeed in whatever they wish to do and to be proud of their many achievements so I am going to keep smiling at them and share their excitement.

next year will be just me, about to set off down that hill called life. I hope I find it fun too.

Only one.

I only like one flavour of ice cream - cookies and cream. I will eat other flavours such as vanilla just because every one is having ice-cream or I need something sweet but I don't get quite that sort of satisfaction i get from two large scoops of oreo/cookies and cream. But I don't eat it too often because that would not be healthy and it is not good for me. There other things that are better for me  that I like to eat too, like cold oranges on a hot day or fresh bananas or just 10 hot buffalo wings after a long 2 weeks of healthy eating and exercise (LOL). 

What am I trying to say?

I saw this episode of Ugly Betty that debated the differences between your first love and your current love. Your first love can make you giddy in ways that you think will be impossible to duplicate but your first love can be so bad for you. There are other things in life than giddiness, which is why your true love and your first love are often not the same thing and your true love will never drive you as crazy as your first love did (I hope!) Like the way the feel of that cold cold orange on a hot Lagos day will never make you fat or guilty later on.

I was thinking of my first love recently and how the people I thought I liked before don't compare to how i felt (feel?) about him. Oh but how bad for me he is, especially if he knew what was going on in my mind.

Today or True Story 2.

I woke up and decided to cut my hair 

So I called up my friend and told him what I planned

He said nothing and gave no suggestions,

He took me to his barber,

who smiled,

and said "it's real soft",

I smiled and said "make sure I still look like a girl",

He did a good job,

Now, I have JUST enough hair

Thoughtfulness

Recently I've been thinking of my life and all the changes I've been through in the past year.

When I started this blog I felt so alone, but now I've built a family here in the real world that i often forget about blogville (sorry guys :D)

I was having dinner with my friends today and I was looking around at the table, how we accept each others oddness, love each others good attributes and are generally there for each other, and I realised how MUCH I love this new family that God has blessed me with. It' s been months since I had a real conversation with my family at home due to some issues but these people are making me not miss leaning on my family quite so much because they are so supportive and now some are graduating *sniff*

One of my friends was pointing out that some people come into your life but they fit in just like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, so perfectly and like they belonged all along just where they are. That's what good friends are like.

I'm looking at the most beautiful sunset right over the lake behind my building and it's probably causing this reflective mood that I'm suddenly in -I should be studying so I can become a senior soon

x

Smith

True Story

I had a dream, a really strange dream. I was a warrior princess and I had a really cool headdress and warrior princess outfit. My weapon of choice were two long knives/daggers.
I was at war, and I was a fearsome sight, lol, somehow I managed to be while being 5 feet 0. I was worried I would die in battle but I was not afraid of fighting to defend....whatever it was we were defending.
I fought and fought, enjoying the look of surprise as the invading army realised who I was just as I got to them...
Then I woke up, my heart was actually beating and I was looking around looking for someone to fight...
What do you think this means? P.S  I never play video games so I'm wondering if this is a past life flash back. hmm

Vanity upon vanity

So I'm home studying on a saturday night feeling lonely as hell. I need someone to cuddle up to...

anyway.. this is something I've not worked on in depth but hey, this is my place and I can post what I want.

My one serious vanity has been my skin. I often sit entranced by the way it reflects the light and the way it just seems to glow with a light of its own. I love how in the summer time or at home in Nigeria, its chocolate-brownness takes on a golden undertone that speaks of health and good living. I especially loved how my face was smooth and clear like a little child.

Was. 

Now I stare in horror as little black scars appear one by one on the sides of my face. As soon as  I spy one zit looking for a place to anchor itself, I take off for CVS looking for the latest in fresh skin technology and fight a war against it as though it was a fledgling nuclear power.

Let me explain or try to explain: I was not a very pretty adolescent. I was round and wore glasses and thought only of being the best in class. All I believed I had going for me was my skin which did not break out like the so called most beautiful girls in that class. So at the young age of 13,  I began a very loving skin care regimen of cocoa butter, vaseline and good old face washing every morning and night. I headed off spots before they had a chance to reach maturity and took care of my skin with military precision. And it was lovely.

As time wore on and I began to 'bloom', I forgot my obsession a little bit until one day I looked in the mirror - and it was awful. Spots! More than one! Oh dear...

And so it began again-

But I still love my skin, its glow fascinates me and I wonder why anyone would want to be any other shade but caramelicious cocoa brown...

Looking for me?

I can be found here at a new project but this is still my home! I havent posted because I really haven't had time to be wordsmithy (lol), but I will play ask me anything again if anyone still comes here.

This month has been hard for me because I have had difficulty finding summer employment, but God will provide.

x

Smith

REMEMBER THIS---OMG

Cheers!

This is my fiftieth post!

and in celebration of this and because I have been accused of hating on men often, I would like to dedicate this post to the male influences in my life.

A toast:

To Papa Smith: who taught me by experiential learning how to handle difficult men

To Aburo Smith: who taught me the importance of the occasional silence

To J: for being the most steady friend a girl can have. Except for that one year disappearance lol. Glad to have you in my life to remind me about real guys who don't always suck.

To T: for being the best older male influence I could have asked for, even if you do occasionally try to get into my pants. For remembering me as the bright laughing so so young girl you met and facing down the darkness that came later and being right by my side for those tough times, and for cooking and making me eat lol.

To R: for teaching me about love and understanding. I'm glad you found happiness now.

To B: for loving me and letting me go no matter how hard that was for you. Perhaps we will meet again at a better point.

To T.O: newest member of the crew, for keeping me grounded.

May the Lord Bless you and Keep you. May you all find happiness, you deserve it. May we continue to be good support systems for each other in good times and bad.

I want to know...

why Nollywood and Ghanawood ( i refuse to use gollywood) prefers light skinned men and doesn't really care the colour of the women as long as they are fine (which is as it should be) . I mean shouldn't we be equal opportunity shades of skin hirers? i feel like the men are getting yellower and yellower.

Quite the opposite of hollywood- they love them some light skinned negresses ( i can use that word, i'm black)

the Nigerian Woman and the Soccer/Football Team

Now everyone knows football/soccer (from now on I will just use football) used to be pretty much the only thing Nigerians were really good at. Except now we aren't that good at it and fashion and music seems to be our new thing.

 Anyway when we were growing up (not that we late eighties babies are done growing up) you had to watch football or die of boredom on saturdays. (Remember???).  Most girls I know don't follow things the way boys do, knowing all the Stats and numbers, away versus home wins. 

No, we knew % hotness on team, % of crushes liked what team, % of nigerians on team, % family that lives on or around said team, and % of coolness attached to team. We studied these  stats at a young age and around the age of 12-14 decided to follow the team we just liked the look of , for family, friend, or just random coolness reason. I chose Arsenal, I think because Thierry was cool and have loved them ever since.

Now what is my beef: Nigerian men seem to think that because we don't always know all the weird details of the team we are not true fans. So, not true. Just because I don't know whats-his-face age and goal scoring record does not mean I don't want him to win. I mean just because I am screaming for you to win the race and I don't know how many races and the color of your favourite underwear does not mean I don't want you to win.

My point is: Nigerian women may seem to be fake fans or fans because of the men in their lives and I want to point out that maybe its because they see how important football is to you and they want to be supportive. Or maybe they just like the team because of the way they look and this will not stop them from going psycho over them just like you, Oh Nigerian Male.

NOTE: We have a fun new blog coming up here: watch that space!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not...

campaign for nomination because i really don't think I did any fabulous blogging this year.

So I was not nominated.

Which is fine.

I have not socialized on blogville not because I don't read all your blogs (you've probably seen my IP Address (MA btw) on your blog), but I am so chatty I KNOW I will never get any work done.

In answer to some questions.

toodles

WS

On the much maligned nigerian woman

Recently there has been a rash of comments around me by all kinds of people (mostly male) around me, either live or in blogsville about something that is wrong with Nigerian women. Example of a much nicer version of the things I have heard can be read here in Kpakpando's post

Actually most of what Kpakpando said is true and even applies to most women (trust me I have inside knowledge from going to a women's college)- so me I am not even going to fight.

But I wanted to talk about two issues that men like to harp on about but they are being really unfair...

the Nigerian woman and the weave
Now, it is now accepted that the Nigerian woman that likes oge (fashion) has to have a weave that is at all times on point but often is not. Some men will claim they don't like weaves because they are fake and go on to rant that nigerian women are too fake in general.

I say: Hypocrites! Liars! Pretenders! World Members (see previous posts)
I'm going to use myself as a test subject: Sometimes I have a very well-kept afro and sometimes i have a weave. ( sometimes I have braids but we'll let that go for now).

Typical NIGERIAN party scene with fro (note that results may vary in companies of mixed nationalities, what can I say white folks think I look hot with an afro)

Nigerian man: hey what's your name?

Me: it's...

Nigerian man: sorry not you, (repeats question to my weavilicious friend or friend with long straightened hair (depending on the day)

Me: oh .


Typical NIGERIAN party scene with unbeWEAVABLE hair:

Nigerian man: you look really hot tonight

Me: thanks,

Nigerian man: Do you want to dance / Can I have your number

Other Nigerian man: She's already dancing with me.

Same person, Same makeup, different hair.

Why? I have decided I don't understand the Nigerian male mind, but it for some reason prefers a weaved female to an unweaved female. Nigerian women have simply learnt to adapt..


Next Rant: the Nigerian woman and the soccer team
coming soon

Chris Brown on manager...

"I did not have textual relations with that woman."

i kid i kid

It ends now

You know how when you are looking for something and you have to calm down to find it, and you sit down and just clear your mind and it turns up?

Well, my friend (dear heart) pointed out to me that that which I seek is probably in front of me just waiting for me to calm down and look properly, or just calm down.

So I'm no longer looking in a scattered manner, I will be calm and I will grow up, control my crazy  (lol) personality.

How about that?

and Happy Birthday to my favourite extra-terrestrial all grown up. You know you.

today

i feel increasingly alone.

and i don't have poem to write about it.

I don't know why.

Amazon.

*As you may have noticed I'm going back to the original purpose of this blog, the written word. I'm returning to my craft.*

Wings spread eyes fierce arms stiff

where you going lady?

lips curved feet planted eyes bright

everywhere, friend, everywhere.

Wanderer

Wanderer wonders why

Wanderer wonders why Wanderer wanders

Wanderer wonders whither Wanderer wanders

Wanderer wonders whether Wonderers wander

Wanderer wishes Wanderer's wonders

were wonderful wishful wonders

Wanderer's wonders were weak woeful wonders.

Wanderer wanders wondering

Wanderer wishes wandering would

End.

p.s this is a result of extreme dizziness, join me?

today

I just asked someone to not be in my life

He wasn't a bad man

Just not good for me.

Meanwhile it is snowing heavily as if in sympathy.

I remain waiting.

God is my matchmaker

Why I love my women's college

French Class 2/25/09

(this entire conversation occurs in French)

Professor: so what kind of movie do you ladies think you would like to star in?

Students after much bickering: romantic movie!

Professor: really? And in the most important scene what would be happening?

Student: Well I could be kissing Jake Gyllenhall under an umbrella, while it is raining.

Professor: But he can't hold you properly while holding an umbrella

Another student: No umbrella, then

Professor: But you will be wet!

Student: No rain then.

Professor: Hmm. I like movies with kisses in the rain though. What will Jake be wearing?

Student: launches into length description...

Professor: ...if anything at all?

Class laughs

Professor: Uggghh, d'accord not naked but topless, no shirt or maybe a white shirt unbuttoned?no no shirt but with blue jeans?

Students: that sounds nice!

Professor: Bon! anything else? I personally prefer moonlight kisses...

Students: oh yeah, that's nice too (giggling)

Professor: Sounds like a good movie! d'accord... what happens next?

All this could not have happened with a guy in the class. Ah. I love my College/Uni.

World Members...

This is the translation a friend gave me for Eyin Aiye.

World Members/Eyin Aiye: referring to all the hateration or underground distaste that is revealed by people at some point. When the hateration or previously hidden beef is revealed the character hated on (or hateree) exclaims Eyin Aiye! or World Members!

SO i now have a straight black weave and all the white people that claimed to have previously loved my afro and/ or braids (so cute and different! in a high squeeky voice) are now telling me that I look great (so classy, sophisticated and professional! in equally high squeaky voice).

To this I reply: Eyin Aiyeeeeeeeee!

So these people can only consider a person 'classy' if they look as close to them as possible. SO my so called friends would not have hired me if they were in a position to decide if I did not have hair that was a facsimile of theirs? Are they serious? 

So before because I left my hair as God intended I looked un-classy. What?

You cannot get away from them world members..hmpf.

What a girl wants

Ladies and gentlemen: i know the answer to this riddle that very few women know the answer to themselves.

What does a girl want?

Love.

It might be love from herself, from men, from her partner or random passersby on the street but its love.

How did I come to this conclusion? 

See this, why do you want to succeed in life? I think it's because you want to be satisfied and still love yourself later in life, or because you want to reinforce your parents/relatives love and pride.

Why do we work out? Because we want to look in the mirror and like what we see or we want to maintain our health, because we love ourselves.

Why is correct answer to 'do I look fat in this' either ' No' if not or 'No, but I like the other one better' if the ass is sticking out of the top of the jeans? because women want to hear a respect for their feelings or love in their friends or loved ones statements...

Think about it.

P.S Guess who I met yesterday!!!! MS Sula (www.freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com) She's SO pretty and dark... ah well.

10 honest things about meee!

I got back to college after about 6 months of being away (for study abroad and other reasons) and found that I am SO behind on my work and recruitment. I've been applying and interviewing for summer internships in a bear market so pray for me ...

Doug tagged me a long time ago on 10 honest things about myself so I'll do that now...

1. I have just realised that I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I'm 20 years old. I used to want to be an Investment Banker, something that is now seeming a poor choice...

2. I have not had a friendly conversation with my father in 3 months and i don't hate him. Our relationship just broke down as a result of several real or imagined slights on both our parts.

3. I think I am happiest when I live apart from my family-we just get along better over the phone...

4. I am really really scared of being fat. Almost obscenely so. But I love eating. lol

5. I am terrible at keeping in touch and some people think I'm fighting with them when the fact is I really never got around to writing that email-but I would never hesitate to help friends who email me out of the blue.

6. I go to a women's college. Yes they exist. Yes, they offer obscenely priced education in exchange for being cooped up in a nunnery. Yes, most times I love it. No, I'm not gay. And it really helps the cause for celibacy though.

7. I used to have a blog but then I abandoned it...then I promised not to abandon this one ever even if I leave for an extended period...

8. I love reading blogs ahhh, and i feel nerdy while doing it...so i call my real world friends just to remind myself they exist.

9. I am geeky in love with Economics. 

10. I am single *wink*

I am so sorryyyyy!

I did say I was not going to go anywhere so. look out for me pretty soon!

As you like it

Sometimes I miss you
Sometimes I dont,
Each time I do
My heart could split in two

Sometimes I miss you,
Most times I don't
But when I do,
the memories begin to fail.

Sometimes I miss you
but often I don't
when i do,
I immediately don't.