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So, i got a letter from myself...

Basically every year I send emails to my future self on my future self's birthday because it is cathartic to think I will get out of whatever issues are bothering me at some point in the future... I was kind of unhappy in this one so there are a lot of typographical errors-i was yet again being extremely insecure- I don't know why I always do that around this time every year. You can ask questions about what became of the further stories in this letter. There is so much to tell about October 2007 and I don't know where to start....so readers decide :) I will paste questions and answers here at the bottom of this letter. 

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Tuesday, October 30, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org

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Dear FutureMe, 

I wonder if you remember this feeling of utter hopelessness. Please be alive to read this message.. Don't give up. Things have to get better. I hope you're happily looking forward to going abroad. I hope you're much happier anyhow. I hope you have friends who don't ignore you when it pleases them. I hope that you have found that niche where you belong. I hope that you are in love with someone who loves you back this time. If he doesnt love you back, stop it before you really get hurt, don't let it happen again.

I hope yo know what you want. I want you to never let other people's actions affect the way you feel about yourselves. Don't do it its not worth it. This is just that part of your life that maybe you won't achieve qite as much as you wish to.

Move on. Please don't still be dwelling on the Frenchman.

I love you. 

You're not fat.

Really. 

I love my friends...

Because they love me even when I'm annoying.

Birthday Post!!

I'm 20 and I feel....

well exactly the same!

Thanks to Aloofar and Ade for remembering to say happy birthday... the rest of you hmmmmmm lol- after all the announcements!?

I've been reflecting on my life more though and I was just thinking ...

1. that I'm a 20 year old virgin (as far as I remember, there is that black out the first time I got drunk- I kid I kid lol). My friend actually bought me chastity beads for my birthday so that 'she will know when i have done the deed'. That girl is a clown...

The funny thing is that the older I get the less likely I am to lose it just anyhow because I think it feels worth more to me personally.. in that I refuse to lose it (after all this time) to some lame guy on some dorm room bed... lol.  Also, I know myself and I'm not likely to be pressured by some fool I don't love...

2. Happiness: I think that the more I not only know myself but also accept myself the happier I become...and seriously guys have now been asking for my number. Men, it's when you decide to face your books that they remember you lol

So what did I do for my birthday...I just hung out with my friends, ate jollof rice and generally acted mature with ourselves ...this was after traipsing around London in the freezing cold trying to complete a to-do list before I turned 20...

Finally we decided we were too old for that and went home to eat rice...

How was your weekend?

You have GOT to be kidding me

On the depressing post. Let's chalk that down to a case of PMS and being dumped by 2 of your besties on the same day to go hang out with their men, as well as being in serious like with someone who treats your affection like sand in a basket...it will never be enough. But. you gotta take the good with the bad and life is not always happy

 I really should open one blog for personal stuff and gist and another to do my writing in.

So anyway I have some interesting stories for you guys...

 

1. I'm standing in my local Tesco's (gotta love the 24 hour Tesco, can I get an Amen?) and a man standing next to me on his cell phone goes "I mean, you can just tell her it was a great big mistake the next day..." I was like, this prolly isnt what it sounds like and I shouldn't be eavesdropping when he goes "I mean just sleep with her first and tell her that later..." . I kid you not. Why do men do shilz like this , for real. I always thought that you don't PLAN mistakes...am I wrong?

2. I'm at the Thisday festival in London when I see Tyson Beckford stroll past. At first I stare at him in pure adoration (yup no cynicism there). Then I roll up my tongue for immediate use and say, I swear, 'Mr Beckford, may I take a picture with you...' I was afraid to say Tyson in case he thought I was rude. Man looks through me like I'm water!!! I thought maybe he didn't see me cos I'm 5 foot zero and a 52 kilos so I jog after him yelling "Mr Beckford, Tyson" etc,  (DON'T JUDGE, I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE DONE WORSE lol) when I see Olu Maintain staring at me like "wtf". So I stopped in shame. Don't worry when Im famous and Tyson is old and fat I will ignore him in public hopefully on CNN. 

3. Some No-name model bumps into Alek Wek on the runway and Alek gives her this "I'm the Alek Wek, bitch!" look. It was classic.

4. Colin Powell dancing yahoozee and matrix. Nuff said.

Don't tell me I don't gist you all!!! Stingess you rock jo, bring back Nigerian childhood. 

My birthday is on Monday (I feel like I'm in Primary school lol, i even wanna buy birthday dress which is diff from birthday suit o LOL)

On Angelina's plan to adopt more kids

Kids: ..just as we were getting to know each other!!

(All quotes are completely from the fertile imagination of the blog author, do not quote as fact LOL)

Blog Action Day

Poverty

Bisi got up from her patch of dirt and surveyed the landscape, shielding her eyes from the rays of the sun. She paused and looked down at her too-small dress, now stained with dirt. There was no thought in the prematurely mature mind of possible consequences of the filth-she had no family, at least none who still cared about how she presented herself to the world. The sun indicated it was around time to get moving and she slowly started walking. The last time she had kept playing in the dirt till dark, very bad things had happened to her and she had learned to run away from the dark in the city of Lagos.

Sometimes if she was lucky someone would feed her and ask her about her day. Today she was not so lucky and her stomach rumbled as she waited patiently outside the big house near the roundabout. Maybe they would throw some food out with the trash for the kole (garbage man) to sort out.

The gate opened and she hid behind a electric post. Two teenagers came outside with recycled rice sacks holding the day's garbage ready for next-day collection

"Can you imagine, upon all this work they're forcing me to do, I only have 1K, that can't even buy popcorn to go with my movie at silverbird"  said a young girl who looked only a few years older than Bisi

"Don't worry, if you arrange yourself very well, Daddy will sort you out.." replied a boy who looked like the girl's elder brother.

Bisi's focus was not on the casual conversation but instead on the potential of dinner awaiting her in the sack. The inhabitants of this house were particularly wasteful, and she knew there was a real chance of a meal. She however caught enough of the conversation to wonder at the casual discussion of =N= 1000. If she had a thousaand naira... she didn't allow herself the luxury of dreaming and refocused on the mission at hand.

They locked the gate behind them and she pounced-but soon came up in disappointment. In their hurry to get their chores done, the siblings had not taken care as the maid usually did to tie kitchen trash up properly, and all the trash was mixed up. It was inedible.

It would be another hungry night for Bisi.

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Today is blog action day, and the theme is poverty. 

Nigerians, remember when Mrs Okereke-Nyiuke raised a ridiculous sum of money for Obama in one night? 

It got me thinking of the status quo in Nigeria. If it is so easy to raise $6.3 million over night, why do the privileged not do more for the less privileged? Just one of those dinners held annually-would contribute immensely to the life of at least some poor people.

There is so much waste in our country in terms of resources but also in terms of people. There are so many talented Nigerians held back or driven into vice by the inadequacies of our society: in terms of healthcare, education and social services. It's time we did something. 

Instead of being at least a little more helpful, we Nigerians abroad spend so much time complaining. I'm not going to pretend to have definite answer, but I will say that we might at least consider what we can do instead of what we can't.

Blog Action day 2008

Dear God

I have sinned I'll agree. Dear Lord please forgive me. 

Lord it seems that it is your will that I be alone when all my friends are happy, and I must accept that. Your will be done. But Lord, I do not wish to be that jealous butch, or that wrecking heifer. I do not want to lose my friends over petty jealousies I feel growing in me. And for my sake and their sake, I beg for forgiveness. Lord, please grant me peace and serenity to live with this life you have chosen for me. It is not my will, but my will is of no consequence to you. I do not wish to sound so bitter, but lonely is not what I saw in my future, and I am desperately unhappy. I have no one to turn to as my friends will not understand and may not trust me any more, and I am afraid for this bitterness is seeping through.

God, please give me the tools to live this life you have set for me. I need to feel your love, which I rarely feel these days. It must be lonely for you too, being the only true God, in all places at all times, being all things to all people, being Love at all times. I understand loneliness. It maybe that it is you alone who loves me these days. I remember what you did do for me and I love you too, if that helps

Love,

Me

Guess what!

Hello people!

London has been pretty awesome because i've been meeting so many people, making friends and having a blast because I'm in a country where I am so legal! Anyway. so i'm happy to be let loose on London with my awesome girlfriends. Lots of hot guys too-yummy!

I'm also quite surprised that my Ijebu self forked over some money to go to the Thisday concert to see Dbanj!!!! So y'all need to know that I love that guy for no known reason seeing as I'm a 'rabid feminist', although I'm a 'rabid feminist' who likes pink, boys, and bows on my shoes. So sue me. 

Anyway, yeah the cheapest ticket was 55 quid so I closed my eyes and clicked on the button-somehow i feel better about silly choices when i close my eyes while doing it. Like when I bought a ridiculously expensive pair of Aldo shoes and handed over my card with my eyes shut. The cashier thought I was a freak-but it was all worth it and I've had those shoes in perfect condition for 2 years going on 3 now :)

What was I talking about-D'Banj! He is like a Nigerian Elvis, with his tight clothes and the pure adoration I have for him.

Is anyone else going to Africa Rising, then ?

Toodles..

P.S I have no fiction yet-Chari-any ideas?

P.P.S my birthday is coming up really soon-ima be 20 on Oct 20! Erm, i'd love to do a Vera and give you all my mailing address but that would go against the whole point of anonymity- especially since I've given you my birthday and location :S.