nigerianwordsmith

Corruption

2010-03-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

Anybody who has been poor in Nigeria (note that I don't say poor in Africa because I know how irritating generalizations are) knows that they will do whatever is in their power to make sure that they are and everybody they love is never ever ever is in that situation again. This and the fact that there is no guarantee that you will receive your pension, or that the state will be there when you are sick, or will make sure that you have some electric light to read by, or some water to drink, that you will not get robbed of the little you have with impunity, and that you do receive even that which you pay for: the benefit of your taxes.

This to me is the basis of corruption among the average Nigerian.

I'm not talking about the leaders corruption, neither am I supporting or justifying corruption. I'm just trying to show its not as simple as it looks.

Why else would a policeman hold a man hostage over 20 naira?
Because to him, it may mean more than just 20 naira, it may mean meat in his soup that night.

Addendum to pray for Nigeria

2010-03-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

I pray for justice in Nigeria.

I do not pray for peace in Nigeria, because there can be peace without justice.
But never true justice without peace.

Praying for Nigeria

2010-03-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

If you have seen the latest news, this is not a good year for Nigeria. The pictures from the escalating violence in Jos has brought fear to my heart. I feel so helpless, and I want to help,
I was then told of the story of Daniel, and how he prayed for his people. How he fasted for his people,
Daniel says:
In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled. - Daniel 10:2-3.

My friends and I do not know if there is a guarantee for the solution of the problem, but I invite you to fast with us, to read Daniel 9 and 10, to think on it, meditate on it, roll it around in your mind.
We are only trying to show our sorrow for our nation and want to do what we can.

These are the daniel fast guidelines
http://danielfast.wordpress.com/daniel-fast-food-list/

Of course, if you can't do the daniel fast, a regular fast, or joining us in prayer will be much appreciated. You can also just send us positive vibes.

Sorrowfully,
WS

I hope it lasts

2010-03-06T07:59:00.001-08:00

I took his hand that he stretched out to me and
suddenly, the world was upside down,
everything was different,
until i realized that everything was right side up,
and I had been all wrong all along.

"that which you seek is in front of you, if you could just see it"

Tribal Marks

2010-03-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

I saw the hottest man with tribal marks , like seriously he was so fine the tribal marks even enhanced the unreal handsomeness. I was even at the point of going over to say hello and was doing my pre-introduction scanning when i spied the wedding band.

damn,

xoxo
WS

Tell me why

2010-02-25T15:34:00.000-08:00

That irritating overweight girl in front of the line in the cafeteria thoughtful scoops up

every
single
spoon

of her meal, thoughtfully and with meditation, as though she was gauging carefully her calorific intake, and ends up putting

even
more
food

on her plate than me, who takes each scoop quickly, heartily and enthusiastically with a sense of realism, perhaps encouraged with the knowledge that an unwilling hour at the gym every other day should be ok.

She irritates me because she is slow, and gets in the way of me and food

when
i
am

hungry.

Thisday Awards 2010

2010-02-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

Ok so I usually try to stay out of politics and controversy (we got Sugabelly for that)
If you have seen the list of people being honored at the Thisday awards 2010, you will say to yourself what a great idea but THIS IS A JOKE RIGHT

1. Ibrahim Babaginda is on that list.
2. Ibrahim Babaginda is on that list
3. Point one and two needed to be repeated. and also
4. Only one woman is on that list and Nigeria is NOT a country where women are not in the public sphere. This is not even about feminism. This is about fact. Only Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala made it on there. Obi Ezekwesili? Dora Akinyuli?? Chimamanda Adichie? and this list is just scratching the surface.

Nigerians, we should STOP letting this jokers represent our media and our opinions. Frankly this list made me ashamed, as foreigners are trying to sympathize with us because of our history of TERRIBLE leaders and here these *&$#&*^% people are honoring them.

I mean some people definitely deserve their awards (Fashola is an example)

But as one of my friends said when she told me about this DISGRACE

Be ashamed, be very ashamed.

Food thoughts

2010-02-18T05:18:00.000-08:00

So one thing you need to know about me is that I lovvee to eat. I don't like all that junkfood business. I love good food o, using fresh produce, high quality free range beef or chicken, and butter not margarine. I always say if you are going to consume those calories make it worth it.
I'm the kind of person who when i lived in a small village in Europe for a little while made the farmer near me sell me his eggs because they tasted better. No for real those chickens were allowed to roam like they were in Nigeria so I was after their eggs (and the chickens themselves sef if I could get it). Don't let anybody fool you Nigerian meat is the sweetest, they let those animals wander around and eat what they like .... so I try to get as close to that here. None of this lean beef for me.
I'm the kind of person that would put diced smoked oysters in my efo riro.

Another thing you should know about me is that I used to be fattish (I was a size 10-12 at age 9). If I had continued on that route, hmm I would have been very large by now. Then I started working out like a demon when i was about 15 and became a size 2. True Story. Im now a 4 but its a nice compromise.

Now tell me why I've started eating all sorts of admittedly delicious experiments and not working out. My mother says "youre behaving as if you are naturally slim" LOL. I can no longer fit into my graduation dress that I had made last month oooo hmm

Please does anyone know any dieting plan that involves delicious food so that i can be slim by the end of may. I can't seem to get my exercising P back on...

seriously
x
Smith.

Gender wahala / Happy Single Awareness day

2010-02-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

"Men will say anything at all to get what they want"

"ehen, as in what?"

"Hmm to get in your pants , abi!"

"ahn ahn they are not that bad, women can be useless too"

"No! you must assume a man is useless till he proves otherwise."

"Guilty until proven innocent?"

"Yes o, my sister!"

"Ehn, so you hate men?"

"I didn't say so!"

"So what are you saying??"

"I'm saying, when they are waxing poetic, watch your back!"

"Abeg Abeg, me im looking for love, and they have to make an effort jor."

"Im trying to say its not what he says, its what he does!"

"Hmm, so in short you're roasting* for valentine's day"

"yup, until i burn"

"hahahaaha"

"shattap!"

*roasting: Nigerian slang for alone, single but not in an empowered way.

why?

2010-02-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

A friend once said to me
"You have no morality!"

Because I don't believe

that everyone should be
exactly the same as me.

Since i've been gone!

2010-02-10T18:39:00.000-08:00

So Ive been a bad girl, keeping away from blogville. I don't even think anybody comes here anymore, but I had a most interesting past six months.

My experiment with the African Women initiative sort of petered out. (is that how you spell that?)

I was sick in all kinds of new and interesting ways. I had diseases like Shingles and lung infections -My doctor started to think I was HIV positive or pregnant, but no it was just stress apparently.

My two best male friends are apparently no longer speaking to me. I really was rather fond of them but hey. They know where to find me. (i'm hoping one will read this and call me)

My college family is well: One is engaged :D

My real family and I made up: my favourite grandmother died and we had to bond together and pick up the pieces.

I went to Nigeria for Christmas and fell in love with Lagos all over again.

I'm taking a creative writing class :D

I've grown a lot in the while I've been away. Growing up is not so bad after all.

as always
x
Smith

Graduation

2009-06-05T17:09:00.000-07:00

The raindrops fell hesitantly, in that New England manner, as though it couldn't decide whether or not the day would be rainy or simply cloudy. I watched two children roll giggling down the grassy hill, getting up and climbing back for more fun times. I thought it would be great if we could all take life like that - what seemed to me to be potentially dangerous and probably painful seemed like great fun to them.

My friends graduated today and I will miss them. But I want them to succeed in whatever they wish to do and to be proud of their many achievements so I am going to keep smiling at them and share their excitement.

next year will be just me, about to set off down that hill called life. I hope I find it fun too.

Only one.

2009-05-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

I only like one flavour of ice cream - cookies and cream. I will eat other flavours such as vanilla just because every one is having ice-cream or I need something sweet but I don't get quite that sort of satisfaction i get from two large scoops of oreo/cookies and cream. But I don't eat it too often because that would not be healthy and it is not good for me. There other things that are better for me that I like to eat too, like cold oranges on a hot day or fresh bananas or just 10 hot buffalo wings after a long 2 weeks of healthy eating and exercise (LOL).

What am I trying to say?

I saw this episode of Ugly Betty that debated the differences between your first love and your current love. Your first love can make you giddy in ways that you think will be impossible to duplicate but your first love can be so bad for you. There are other things in life than giddiness, which is why your true love and your first love are often not the same thing and your true love will never drive you as crazy as your first love did (I hope!) Like the way the feel of that cold cold orange on a hot Lagos day will never make you fat or guilty later on.

I was thinking of my first love recently and how the people I thought I liked before don't compare to how i felt (feel?) about him. Oh but how bad for me he is, especially if he knew what was going on in my mind.

Today or True Story 2.

2009-05-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

I woke up and decided to cut my hair

So I called up my friend and told him what I planned

He said nothing and gave no suggestions,

He took me to his barber,

who smiled,

and said "it's real soft",

I smiled and said "make sure I still look like a girl",

He did a good job,

Now, I have JUST enough hair

Thoughtfulness

2009-05-20T17:49:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been thinking of my life and all the changes I've been through in the past year.

When I started this blog I felt so alone, but now I've built a family here in the real world that i often forget about blogville (sorry guys :D)

I was having dinner with my friends today and I was looking around at the table, how we accept each others oddness, love each others good attributes and are generally there for each other, and I realised how MUCH I love this new family that God has blessed me with. It' s been months since I had a real conversation with my family at home due to some issues but these people are making me not miss leaning on my family quite so much because they are so supportive and now some are graduating *sniff*

One of my friends was pointing out that some people come into your life but they fit in just like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, so perfectly and like they belonged all along just where they are. That's what good friends are like.

I'm looking at the most beautiful sunset right over the lake behind my building and it's probably causing this reflective mood that I'm suddenly in -I should be studying so I can become a senior soon

Smith

True Story

2009-05-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

I had a dream, a really strange dream. I was a warrior princess and I had a really cool headdress and warrior princess outfit. My weapon of choice were two long knives/daggers.
I was at war, and I was a fearsome sight, lol, somehow I managed to be while being 5 feet 0. I was worried I would die in battle but I was not afraid of fighting to defend....whatever it was we were defending.
I fought and fought, enjoying the look of surprise as the invading army realised who I was just as I got to them...
Then I woke up, my heart was actually beating and I was looking around looking for someone to fight...
What do you think this means? P.S I never play video games so I'm wondering if this is a past life flash back. hmm

Vanity upon vanity

2009-05-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm home studying on a saturday night feeling lonely as hell. I need someone to cuddle up to...

anyway.. this is something I've not worked on in depth but hey, this is my place and I can post what I want.

My one serious vanity has been my skin. I often sit entranced by the way it reflects the light and the way it just seems to glow with a light of its own. I love how in the summer time or at home in Nigeria, its chocolate-brownness takes on a golden undertone that speaks of health and good living. I especially loved how my face was smooth and clear like a little child.

Was.

Now I stare in horror as little black scars appear one by one on the sides of my face. As soon as I spy one zit looking for a place to anchor itself, I take off for CVS looking for the latest in fresh skin technology and fight a war against it as though it was a fledgling nuclear power.

Let me explain or try to explain: I was not a very pretty adolescent. I was round and wore glasses and thought only of being the best in class. All I believed I had going for me was my skin which did not break out like the so called most beautiful girls in that class. So at the young age of 13, I began a very loving skin care regimen of cocoa butter, vaseline and good old face washing every morning and night. I headed off spots before they had a chance to reach maturity and took care of my skin with military precision. And it was lovely.

As time wore on and I began to 'bloom', I forgot my obsession a little bit until one day I looked in the mirror - and it was awful. Spots! More than one! Oh dear...

And so it began again-

But I still love my skin, its glow fascinates me and I wonder why anyone would want to be any other shade but caramelicious cocoa brown...

Looking for me?

2009-04-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

I can be found here at a new project but this is still my home! I havent posted because I really haven't had time to be wordsmithy (lol), but I will play ask me anything again if anyone still comes here.

This month has been hard for me because I have had difficulty finding summer employment, but God will provide.

Smith

REMEMBER THIS---OMG

2009-04-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

Cheers!

2009-04-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

This is my fiftieth post!

and in celebration of this and because I have been accused of hating on men often, I would like to dedicate this post to the male influences in my life.

A toast:

To Papa Smith: who taught me by experiential learning how to handle difficult men

To Aburo Smith: who taught me the importance of the occasional silence

To J: for being the most steady friend a girl can have. Except for that one year disappearance lol. Glad to have you in my life to remind me about real guys who don't always suck.

To T: for being the best older male influence I could have asked for, even if you do occasionally try to get into my pants. For remembering me as the bright laughing so so young girl you met and facing down the darkness that came later and being right by my side for those tough times, and for cooking and making me eat lol.

To R: for teaching me about love and understanding. I'm glad you found happiness now.

To B: for loving me and letting me go no matter how hard that was for you. Perhaps we will meet again at a better point.

To T.O: newest member of the crew, for keeping me grounded.

May the Lord Bless you and Keep you. May you all find happiness, you deserve it. May we continue to be good support systems for each other in good times and bad.

I want to know...

2009-03-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

why Nollywood and Ghanawood ( i refuse to use gollywood) prefers light skinned men and doesn't really care the colour of the women as long as they are fine (which is as it should be) . I mean shouldn't we be equal opportunity shades of skin hirers? i feel like the men are getting yellower and yellower.

Quite the opposite of hollywood- they love them some light skinned negresses ( i can use that word, i'm black)

the Nigerian Woman and the Soccer/Football Team

2009-03-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

Now everyone knows football/soccer (from now on I will just use football) used to be pretty much the only thing Nigerians were really good at. Except now we aren't that good at it and fashion and music seems to be our new thing.

Anyway when we were growing up (not that we late eighties babies are done growing up) you had to watch football or die of boredom on saturdays. (Remember???). Most girls I know don't follow things the way boys do, knowing all the Stats and numbers, away versus home wins.

No, we knew % hotness on team, % of crushes liked what team, % of nigerians on team, % family that lives on or around said team, and % of coolness attached to team. We studied these stats at a young age and around the age of 12-14 decided to follow the team we just liked the look of , for family, friend, or just random coolness reason. I chose Arsenal, I think because Thierry was cool and have loved them ever since.

Now what is my beef: Nigerian men seem to think that because we don't always know all the weird details of the team we are not true fans. So, not true. Just because I don't know whats-his-face age and goal scoring record does not mean I don't want him to win. I mean just because I am screaming for you to win the race and I don't know how many races and the color of your favourite underwear does not mean I don't want you to win.

My point is: Nigerian women may seem to be fake fans or fans because of the men in their lives and I want to point out that maybe its because they see how important football is to you and they want to be supportive. Or maybe they just like the team because of the way they look and this will not stop them from going psycho over them just like you, Oh Nigerian Male.

NOTE: We have a fun new blog coming up here: watch that space!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not...

2009-03-18T21:57:00.001-07:00

campaign for nomination because i really don't think I did any fabulous blogging this year.

So I was not nominated.

Which is fine.

I have not socialized on blogville not because I don't read all your blogs (you've probably seen my IP Address (MA btw) on your blog), but I am so chatty I KNOW I will never get any work done.

In answer to some questions.

toodles

On the much maligned nigerian woman

2009-03-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

Recently there has been a rash of comments around me by all kinds of people (mostly male) around me, either live or in blogsville about something that is wrong with Nigerian women. Example of a much nicer version of the things I have heard can be read here in Kpakpando's post

Actually most of what Kpakpando said is true and even applies to most women (trust me I have inside knowledge from going to a women's college)- so me I am not even going to fight.

But I wanted to talk about two issues that men like to harp on about but they are being really unfair...

the Nigerian woman and the weave
Now, it is now accepted that the Nigerian woman that likes oge (fashion) has to have a weave that is at all times on point but often is not. Some men will claim they don't like weaves because they are fake and go on to rant that nigerian women are too fake in general.

I say: Hypocrites! Liars! Pretenders! World Members (see previous posts)
I'm going to use myself as a test subject: Sometimes I have a very well-kept afro and sometimes i have a weave. ( sometimes I have braids but we'll let that go for now).

Typical NIGERIAN party scene with fro (note that results may vary in companies of mixed nationalities, what can I say white folks think I look hot with an afro)

Nigerian man: hey what's your name?

Me: it's...

Nigerian man: sorry not you, (repeats question to my weavilicious friend or friend with long straightened hair (depending on the day)

Me: oh .

Typical NIGERIAN party scene with unbeWEAVABLE hair:

Nigerian man: you look really hot tonight

Me: thanks,

Nigerian man: Do you want to dance / Can I have your number

Other Nigerian man: She's already dancing with me.

Same person, Same makeup, different hair.

Why? I have decided I don't understand the Nigerian male mind, but it for some reason prefers a weaved female to an unweaved female. Nigerian women have simply learnt to adapt..

Next Rant: the Nigerian woman and the soccer team
coming soon

Chris Brown on manager...

2009-03-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

"I did not have textual relations with that woman."

i kid i kid

It ends now

2009-03-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

You know how when you are looking for something and you have to calm down to find it, and you sit down and just clear your mind and it turns up?

Well, my friend (dear heart) pointed out to me that that which I seek is probably in front of me just waiting for me to calm down and look properly, or just calm down.

So I'm no longer looking in a scattered manner, I will be calm and I will grow up, control my crazy (lol) personality.

How about that?

and Happy Birthday to my favourite extra-terrestrial all grown up. You know you.

today

2009-03-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

i feel increasingly alone.

and i don't have poem to write about it.

I don't know why.

Amazon.

2009-03-05T09:13:00.000-08:00

*As you may have noticed I'm going back to the original purpose of this blog, the written word. I'm returning to my craft.*

Wings spread eyes fierce arms stiff

where you going lady?

lips curved feet planted eyes bright

everywhere, friend, everywhere.

Wanderer

2009-03-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

Wanderer wonders why

Wanderer wonders why Wanderer wanders

Wanderer wonders whither Wanderer wanders

Wanderer wonders whether Wonderers wander

Wanderer wishes Wanderer's wonders

were wonderful wishful wonders

Wanderer's wonders were weak woeful wonders.

Wanderer wanders wondering

Wanderer wishes wandering would

End.

p.s this is a result of extreme dizziness, join me?

today

2009-03-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

I just asked someone to not be in my life

He wasn't a bad man

Just not good for me.

Meanwhile it is snowing heavily as if in sympathy.

I remain waiting.

God is my matchmaker

Why I love my women's college

2009-02-27T13:28:00.000-08:00

French Class 2/25/09

(this entire conversation occurs in French)

Professor: so what kind of movie do you ladies think you would like to star in?

Students after much bickering: romantic movie!

Professor: really? And in the most important scene what would be happening?

Student: Well I could be kissing Jake Gyllenhall under an umbrella, while it is raining.

Professor: But he can't hold you properly while holding an umbrella

Another student: No umbrella, then

Professor: But you will be wet!

Student: No rain then.

Professor: Hmm. I like movies with kisses in the rain though. What will Jake be wearing?

Student: launches into length description...

Professor: ...if anything at all?

Class laughs

Professor: Uggghh, d'accord not naked but topless, no shirt or maybe a white shirt unbuttoned?no no shirt but with blue jeans?

Students: that sounds nice!

Professor: Bon! anything else? I personally prefer moonlight kisses...

Students: oh yeah, that's nice too (giggling)

Professor: Sounds like a good movie! d'accord... what happens next?

All this could not have happened with a guy in the class. Ah. I love my College/Uni.

World Members...

2009-02-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

This is the translation a friend gave me for Eyin Aiye.

World Members/Eyin Aiye: referring to all the hateration or underground distaste that is revealed by people at some point. When the hateration or previously hidden beef is revealed the character hated on (or hateree) exclaims Eyin Aiye! or World Members!

SO i now have a straight black weave and all the white people that claimed to have previously loved my afro and/ or braids (so cute and different! in a high squeeky voice) are now telling me that I look great (so classy, sophisticated and professional! in equally high squeaky voice).

To this I reply: Eyin Aiyeeeeeeeee!

So these people can only consider a person 'classy' if they look as close to them as possible. SO my so called friends would not have hired me if they were in a position to decide if I did not have hair that was a facsimile of theirs? Are they serious?

So before because I left my hair as God intended I looked un-classy. What?

You cannot get away from them world members..hmpf.

What a girl wants

2009-02-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen: i know the answer to this riddle that very few women know the answer to themselves.

What does a girl want?

Love.

It might be love from herself, from men, from her partner or random passersby on the street but its love.

How did I come to this conclusion?

See this, why do you want to succeed in life? I think it's because you want to be satisfied and still love yourself later in life, or because you want to reinforce your parents/relatives love and pride.

Why do we work out? Because we want to look in the mirror and like what we see or we want to maintain our health, because we love ourselves.

Why is correct answer to 'do I look fat in this' either ' No' if not or 'No, but I like the other one better' if the ass is sticking out of the top of the jeans? because women want to hear a respect for their feelings or love in their friends or loved ones statements...

Think about it.

P.S Guess who I met yesterday!!!! MS Sula (www.freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com) She's SO pretty and dark... ah well.

10 honest things about meee!

2009-02-12T18:19:00.000-08:00

I got back to college after about 6 months of being away (for study abroad and other reasons) and found that I am SO behind on my work and recruitment. I've been applying and interviewing for summer internships in a bear market so pray for me ...

Doug tagged me a long time ago on 10 honest things about myself so I'll do that now...

1. I have just realised that I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I'm 20 years old. I used to want to be an Investment Banker, something that is now seeming a poor choice...

2. I have not had a friendly conversation with my father in 3 months and i don't hate him. Our relationship just broke down as a result of several real or imagined slights on both our parts.

3. I think I am happiest when I live apart from my family-we just get along better over the phone...

4. I am really really scared of being fat. Almost obscenely so. But I love eating. lol

5. I am terrible at keeping in touch and some people think I'm fighting with them when the fact is I really never got around to writing that email-but I would never hesitate to help friends who email me out of the blue.

6. I go to a women's college. Yes they exist. Yes, they offer obscenely priced education in exchange for being cooped up in a nunnery. Yes, most times I love it. No, I'm not gay. And it really helps the cause for celibacy though.

7. I used to have a blog but then I abandoned it...then I promised not to abandon this one ever even if I leave for an extended period...

8. I love reading blogs ahhh, and i feel nerdy while doing it...so i call my real world friends just to remind myself they exist.

9. I am geeky in love with Economics.

10. I am single *wink*

I am so sorryyyyy!

2009-02-08T18:56:00.001-08:00

I did say I was not going to go anywhere so. look out for me pretty soon!

As you like it

2009-01-20T11:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I miss you
Sometimes I dont,
Each time I do
My heart could split in two

Sometimes I miss you,
Most times I don't
But when I do,
the memories begin to fail.

Sometimes I miss you
but often I don't
when i do,
I immediately don't.

Legend...wait for it...

2008-12-28T00:13:00.000-08:00

...ARY!!*

2009.

It's coming...

I wonder what it will be like.

2008 has to have been my Best Year Ever.

I went to 5 countries (6 if you include transits)

I made friends who I love even when I'm fighting with them

I saw the Lion King and Wicked live at the theatre in London

I fell in love even though it didn't work out

I felt truly beautiful for the first time

I grew as a person and learnt to understand my limitations

I got this place to experiment with my writing :)

I was happy.

I pray 2009 will be better for me and for everyone reading this...

This is also for every one going through a hard time at the moment. 2007 was horrible for me and if I had given up, I would never have experienced this truly amazing amazing year. It wasn't always easy as my previous depressing posts will show, but on the whole, my memories consist of a warm happy feeling...

I believe next year can be that year for you, if you let it

*Neil Patrick Harris on HIMYM brought that phrase to my attention

No words required

2008-12-21T04:30:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my brother recently and it was brought to my attention that i have a lot of pent up man rage. I had never realised that I was so angry at men, and i don't even want to be, because its such an ugly stereotype of black women. He was telling me that i should find a boyfriend, and i said well me I am here for the lucky man, because I am tired of being on the lookout. so he laughed and said how many boyfriends have i had to be pissed off. Now, the thing is, it is the near misses that made me mad.

All the guys that call and call and then remember they have a girlfriend when you're in town.
The ones that ALSO call and call but at the end say it's not you it's me, while they are safely in India - and still keep calling wtf? (this actually just happened and is still fresh, and I can only laugh)
the wowo ones,
the fine ones who like you but cant help but be players ( in their own words, in my opinion, as long as youre not an animal, YES, you can help yourself, you just don't want to),
the hippies, (pot heads, lazy types, i mean pot cant be too bad once in a while but mehn everyday?)
the nigeria-haters,
the any-intelligence-displayed-means-you're-acting-white,
the too-holy,
the cheap let's-hang-out-at-micky-d's (for God's sake I'd rather we cooked, I'm not a golddigger, I just need some style in my life),
the ones that show up for a date with their friend (?),
the ones that disappear for years and expect you to be single when they turn up (yes I am, but I'm not going to tell you that now am i?)

I'm not even bitter because i'm looking forward to the next guy in my life and I'm hoping that one will be the last. I just am not interested in looking anymore. My sanity can't take it.

I don't pretend to know what men want, but I am here to contend that although women are given all the trouble for always changing their minds, that it is in fact MEN who can never decide what they want. This is why they do all these things that make women unhappy with them and complain about them. Now, I'm not one to say men ain't sh*t like some people are (my personal theory is all people ain't sh*t), but seriously will it be all that bad to see one woman you like, talk to her, once or twice. If it seems that all your yarns flow and that you guys get along great, hang out. If there seems to be K-leg in the matter, here's the important bit, listen: MAKE IT CLEAR THERE AND THEN THAT YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS, or STOP CALLING HER. If there is no K-leg in the relationship, then its best you begin intense flirting and see how that goes, then make a move to make it 'official'. please. don't keep saying , i sorta like this chick but i don't know oooo, maybe? if only? hmmm? lemme see... lemme keep the poor chick in the dark but let me keep flirting with her so that she doesnt have time for any guy more interested than I am and so so and so.

humpff

***DISCLAIMER: I HAVE LOTS OF MALE FRIENDS, I'M JUST CRANKY AT MR.INDIA AT THE MO***

Nigeria Here I come

2008-12-14T04:20:00.000-08:00

I have prepared a series of posts scheduled to be delivered when necessary so that I can be in touch with the people I am getting very fond of (you guys!!!). They will be delivered every sunday till the new year and if there is a change, i'll tell you, so come and come often! (ibiluv will say 'that's what she said' right here haha)

First order of business: thank you for all your comments and encouragements. Although I came here to write I find myself more and more comfortable sharing my little stories with you lot :D and I hereby take what I'm going to call a 'bloggers vow'. This means that:

I Wordsmith, may be known to you as any other name, will never again disappear from

blogville. I may not post as often, or may take a hiatus, but I will not randomly delete my blog.

I will stay up to date, I will answer questions and I will tell the truth. If my anonymity is

questioned, I will merely delete embarassing posts and remain ever yours. And...if anyone

discovers my real identity, i have decided it is no horrible fate and will stay here telling my

tales.

So help me God.

Get out clause: If anything ever changes my mind, I will give due warning to my blog pals and STILL remain in touch. sound fair?

good.

Second order of business: I will soon be in Nigeria. Email me at omoobanta@gmail.com for my number and we can gist. Of course no anonymous or unknown personalities will be answered...

toodles

Ultimate bit of randomness

2008-12-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

Hello people.

This is like shoe season in blogville: for example

I bought cute shoes , what y'all think?

hmm yeah i love round toe shoes on my UK size 3 feet, yum.

and i love that they are always on sale because nobody else can fit into them.

I walked on Oxford St and there is nothing amusing to report to you. I met a beggar yesterday though who (very specifically and seriously) asked for 850 pounds to take him to Barbados or anywhere in the Carribean. I actually laughed because I was that shocked. I then gave him 20p to start his impossible mission.

I will be very sad to leave London behind.

A big thank you to the person who found me the Agama Label shirts.

I realize I don't talk about my family very much, but I have a short short story which is about what I imagine my great grandmother would be thinking if I could understand her dialect. It was supposed to be an intro to one of my many abandoned story projects..

It's called: All you have to do is listen harder

I live in a world that I no longer belong to. Imagine that. My family treats me like a priceless relic that everybody loves but nobody wants responsibility for. I don’t understand them but I know people. I know what they are thinking.

I am not deaf but the familiar sounds of the children I bore, their children and their children after them are incomprehensible to me. Take for example this one in front of me grinning at me as if I am a little child. She is speaking to me. Or rather she is speaking at me. Whatever it is does not matter at all, as we do not understand each other. I tell her I love her, that she is the flesh of my flesh of my flesh. She keeps smiling in that frozen way that indicates that she has no idea what I am saying but somehow wishes me to be happy. I turn away and look at the television in which impossibly young women smile at me and speak to me in words that hold no meaning for me. It is not that I have lived too long but that nobody else has lived long enough.

She is smiling at me like I am a helpless child, even though t I gave birth to her grandmother. She looks at her watch and looks like she wishes to be somewhere else. I wish I could tell her not to bother with that frozen one-place smile. Time holds no meaning for me anymore. I was here before she was born. I will be here when she returns from that far away place across the sea. For now, I am the embodiment of time to her.

I NEED YOUR HELP

2008-12-03T06:20:00.000-08:00

So i've been questing for these polo shirts i once caught sight of, i looked on Sugabelly's shirt site here, and even considered buying stuff from there but it's not the one I want. It's a polo shirt that has since 1960 on it and something about nigeria, as well as a coat of arms in the front. I can't remember specifics but will know it when i see it. if you know what i'm talking about help me... sorry for the vague descriptions :(

I'm famous LOL

2008-12-02T15:28:00.000-08:00

Hear me sing my karaoke version of Santa baby here,

Are my thoughts worth a Penny? : A day in wordsmith's life

2008-11-30T06:36:00.000-08:00

Diary Entry:

Today I decided to go to church. I went with my friend Honey*, our other friend Eagle* decided to sleep in. It was a dreary day in London again as we walked there in a freezing drizzle and I was as usual inappropriately prepared for the weather in my ballet flats.

I was freezing cold and by the time we got to church I couldn't feel my feet despite the fact that they looked cute.

Honey's church is nice. Everyone there is young but married so I focused on the word. The word was about Samson. I realised that Samson was not a very nice man, because he spent most of his time killing people. I wonder if the Philistines thought he was a terrorist. Samson once killed many foxes by setting their tales on fire just to annoy the Philistines. Samson did not like animals very much either, he seemed to be always killing them too. He was also rude to his parents and God. God's love must really be unconditional.

Honey's church is full of nice people. After service they gave us cupcakes like these.

I only had one because I'm feeling very vain at the moment and i don't want to waste all efforts at the gym.

Honey is very studious so she went to the library after church. I had to walk back by myself, which was fine because I felt very whimsical today. It had stopped raining but it was still cold and damp.

I walked through Russell Square on my way home. The ducks have gone somewhere nicer and the little pond looked a little forlorn.

I saw three gay men and a tiny dog in a sweater. I wondered if they were all together or one pair was a couple and the third was an awkward friend trying to be nice.

I saw three thespians practicing their lines. I wondered if they were any good, and maybe they are so bad nobody will let them practice inside.

I saw a bench dedicated to a dead woman by her family and fiance. I wondered what happened. It was very sad.

I wondered if anyone was looking at me and wondering too.

Then I went home and wrote this post

* not real names, obviously

The Circle

2008-11-29T01:21:00.000-08:00

my short story is still incomplete but enjoy this one inspired by my life till I can sort myself out. WS

Four women, one man and their dreams,

sat around the wine bottle of contemplation,

best friends, sharing thoughts and intimations,

of what the future might hold for these five-

One year of love, laughter and joy

One year together, with spirits ahoy

One year was over-one year was done.

Four women, one man and their ambitions

sat around the hookah pipe of meditation

sharing memories and missed stories,

all five still a group and very much a team

Three years apart, but still in minds

Three relationships, two calls to serve

five dreams not quite as planned

But five friendships still well in hand

Four women and one man full of love for each other,

All from the time they lived together

Mumbai...

2008-11-28T08:30:00.000-08:00

As terrible as all this is, am I the only one horrified by the fact that people blatantly only care about the western dead?

Or maybe I'm just too sensitive.

Wordsmith presents...

2008-11-23T13:06:00.000-08:00

decided to post an old one while i finish something i think is pretty good and i have been procrastinating about for 2 years

enjoy

DINNER TIME

The Silence resounds.

The click clacketting of the forks echo

in that cavern of silence.

The words that should have been said

float in the Tension, unheard

The young one looks up

She wants to free her imprisoned thoughts;

but the click clacketting keeps click clacketting

with a vengeance,

and the thoughts stay locked up.

The mother refuses to look at Him,

as he glowers and eats,

Click, click…click click

The phone rings

And for a minute the loudness of the Silence

Is swallowed up.

God Answers Prayers ...

2008-11-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

if you feel the desperate need to read this, email me for a password...omoobanta@gmail.com

Show encrypted text

There is hidden text here

Friends...

2008-11-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

are the family you choose. I think I've chosen well this year, unlike last year.

I have so much to say and I'm debating whether to say it... but I'll be back with some Wordsmith stuff soon.

SEX

2008-10-31T16:48:00.001-07:00

Got your attention didn't I? Comment in order to read post. No anonymous commenters will be answered.

Show encrypted text

hidden text here

So, i got a letter from myself...

2008-10-29T04:09:00.000-07:00

Basically every year I send emails to my future self on my future self's birthday because it is cathartic to think I will get out of whatever issues are bothering me at some point in the future... I was kind of unhappy in this one so there are a lot of typographical errors-i was yet again being extremely insecure- I don't know why I always do that around this time every year. You can ask questions about what became of the further stories in this letter. There is so much to tell about October 2007 and I don't know where to start....so readers decide :) I will paste questions and answers here at the bottom of this letter.

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Tuesday, October 30, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

I wonder if you remember this feeling of utter hopelessness. Please be alive to read this message.. Don't give up. Things have to get better. I hope you're happily looking forward to going abroad. I hope you're much happier anyhow. I hope you have friends who don't ignore you when it pleases them. I hope that you have found that niche where you belong. I hope that you are in love with someone who loves you back this time. If he doesnt love you back, stop it before you really get hurt, don't let it happen again.

I hope yo know what you want. I want you to never let other people's actions affect the way you feel about yourselves. Don't do it its not worth it. This is just that part of your life that maybe you won't achieve qite as much as you wish to.

Move on. Please don't still be dwelling on the Frenchman.

I love you.

You're not fat.

Really.

I love my friends...

2008-10-24T11:35:00.001-07:00

Because they love me even when I'm annoying.

Birthday Post!!

2008-10-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

I'm 20 and I feel....

well exactly the same!

Thanks to Aloofar and Ade for remembering to say happy birthday... the rest of you hmmmmmm lol- after all the announcements!?

I've been reflecting on my life more though and I was just thinking ...

1. that I'm a 20 year old virgin (as far as I remember, there is that black out the first time I got drunk- I kid I kid lol). My friend actually bought me chastity beads for my birthday so that 'she will know when i have done the deed'. That girl is a clown...

The funny thing is that the older I get the less likely I am to lose it just anyhow because I think it feels worth more to me personally.. in that I refuse to lose it (after all this time) to some lame guy on some dorm room bed... lol. Also, I know myself and I'm not likely to be pressured by some fool I don't love...

2. Happiness: I think that the more I not only know myself but also accept myself the happier I become...and seriously guys have now been asking for my number. Men, it's when you decide to face your books that they remember you lol

So what did I do for my birthday...I just hung out with my friends, ate jollof rice and generally acted mature with ourselves ...this was after traipsing around London in the freezing cold trying to complete a to-do list before I turned 20...

Finally we decided we were too old for that and went home to eat rice...

How was your weekend?

You have GOT to be kidding me

2008-10-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

On the depressing post. Let's chalk that down to a case of PMS and being dumped by 2 of your besties on the same day to go hang out with their men, as well as being in serious like with someone who treats your affection like sand in a basket...it will never be enough. But. you gotta take the good with the bad and life is not always happy

I really should open one blog for personal stuff and gist and another to do my writing in.

So anyway I have some interesting stories for you guys...

1. I'm standing in my local Tesco's (gotta love the 24 hour Tesco, can I get an Amen?) and a man standing next to me on his cell phone goes "I mean, you can just tell her it was a great big mistake the next day..." I was like, this prolly isnt what it sounds like and I shouldn't be eavesdropping when he goes "I mean just sleep with her first and tell her that later..." . I kid you not. Why do men do shilz like this , for real. I always thought that you don't PLAN mistakes...am I wrong?

2. I'm at the Thisday festival in London when I see Tyson Beckford stroll past. At first I stare at him in pure adoration (yup no cynicism there). Then I roll up my tongue for immediate use and say, I swear, 'Mr Beckford, may I take a picture with you...' I was afraid to say Tyson in case he thought I was rude. Man looks through me like I'm water!!! I thought maybe he didn't see me cos I'm 5 foot zero and a 52 kilos so I jog after him yelling "Mr Beckford, Tyson" etc, (DON'T JUDGE, I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE DONE WORSE lol) when I see Olu Maintain staring at me like "wtf". So I stopped in shame. Don't worry when Im famous and Tyson is old and fat I will ignore him in public hopefully on CNN.

3. Some No-name model bumps into Alek Wek on the runway and Alek gives her this "I'm the Alek Wek, bitch!" look. It was classic.

4. Colin Powell dancing yahoozee and matrix. Nuff said.

Don't tell me I don't gist you all!!! Stingess you rock jo, bring back Nigerian childhood.

My birthday is on Monday (I feel like I'm in Primary school lol, i even wanna buy birthday dress which is diff from birthday suit o LOL)

On Angelina's plan to adopt more kids

2008-10-17T01:05:00.001-07:00

Kids: ..just as we were getting to know each other!!

(All quotes are completely from the fertile imagination of the blog author, do not quote as fact LOL)

Blog Action Day

2008-10-14T23:28:00.000-07:00

Poverty

Bisi got up from her patch of dirt and surveyed the landscape, shielding her eyes from the rays of the sun. She paused and looked down at her too-small dress, now stained with dirt. There was no thought in the prematurely mature mind of possible consequences of the filth-she had no family, at least none who still cared about how she presented herself to the world. The sun indicated it was around time to get moving and she slowly started walking. The last time she had kept playing in the dirt till dark, very bad things had happened to her and she had learned to run away from the dark in the city of Lagos.

Sometimes if she was lucky someone would feed her and ask her about her day. Today she was not so lucky and her stomach rumbled as she waited patiently outside the big house near the roundabout. Maybe they would throw some food out with the trash for the kole (garbage man) to sort out.

The gate opened and she hid behind a electric post. Two teenagers came outside with recycled rice sacks holding the day's garbage ready for next-day collection

"Can you imagine, upon all this work they're forcing me to do, I only have 1K, that can't even buy popcorn to go with my movie at silverbird" said a young girl who looked only a few years older than Bisi

"Don't worry, if you arrange yourself very well, Daddy will sort you out.." replied a boy who looked like the girl's elder brother.

Bisi's focus was not on the casual conversation but instead on the potential of dinner awaiting her in the sack. The inhabitants of this house were particularly wasteful, and she knew there was a real chance of a meal. She however caught enough of the conversation to wonder at the casual discussion of =N= 1000. If she had a thousaand naira... she didn't allow herself the luxury of dreaming and refocused on the mission at hand.

They locked the gate behind them and she pounced-but soon came up in disappointment. In their hurry to get their chores done, the siblings had not taken care as the maid usually did to tie kitchen trash up properly, and all the trash was mixed up. It was inedible.

It would be another hungry night for Bisi.

*****************************************************************************************

Today is blog action day, and the theme is poverty.

Nigerians, remember when Mrs Okereke-Nyiuke raised a ridiculous sum of money for Obama in one night?

It got me thinking of the status quo in Nigeria. If it is so easy to raise $6.3 million over night, why do the privileged not do more for the less privileged? Just one of those dinners held annually-would contribute immensely to the life of at least some poor people.

There is so much waste in our country in terms of resources but also in terms of people. There are so many talented Nigerians held back or driven into vice by the inadequacies of our society: in terms of healthcare, education and social services. It's time we did something.

Instead of being at least a little more helpful, we Nigerians abroad spend so much time complaining. I'm not going to pretend to have definite answer, but I will say that we might at least consider what we can do instead of what we can't.

Blog Action day 2008

Dear God

2008-10-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have sinned I'll agree. Dear Lord please forgive me.

Lord it seems that it is your will that I be alone when all my friends are happy, and I must accept that. Your will be done. But Lord, I do not wish to be that jealous butch, or that wrecking heifer. I do not want to lose my friends over petty jealousies I feel growing in me. And for my sake and their sake, I beg for forgiveness. Lord, please grant me peace and serenity to live with this life you have chosen for me. It is not my will, but my will is of no consequence to you. I do not wish to sound so bitter, but lonely is not what I saw in my future, and I am desperately unhappy. I have no one to turn to as my friends will not understand and may not trust me any more, and I am afraid for this bitterness is seeping through.

God, please give me the tools to live this life you have set for me. I need to feel your love, which I rarely feel these days. It must be lonely for you too, being the only true God, in all places at all times, being all things to all people, being Love at all times. I understand loneliness. It maybe that it is you alone who loves me these days. I remember what you did do for me and I love you too, if that helps

Love,

Guess what!

2008-10-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

Hello people!

London has been pretty awesome because i've been meeting so many people, making friends and having a blast because I'm in a country where I am so legal! Anyway. so i'm happy to be let loose on London with my awesome girlfriends. Lots of hot guys too-yummy!

I'm also quite surprised that my Ijebu self forked over some money to go to the Thisday concert to see Dbanj!!!! So y'all need to know that I love that guy for no known reason seeing as I'm a 'rabid feminist', although I'm a 'rabid feminist' who likes pink, boys, and bows on my shoes. So sue me.

Anyway, yeah the cheapest ticket was 55 quid so I closed my eyes and clicked on the button-somehow i feel better about silly choices when i close my eyes while doing it. Like when I bought a ridiculously expensive pair of Aldo shoes and handed over my card with my eyes shut. The cashier thought I was a freak-but it was all worth it and I've had those shoes in perfect condition for 2 years going on 3 now :)

What was I talking about-D'Banj! He is like a Nigerian Elvis, with his tight clothes and the pure adoration I have for him.

Is anyone else going to Africa Rising, then ?

Toodles..

P.S I have no fiction yet-Chari-any ideas?

P.P.S my birthday is coming up really soon-ima be 20 on Oct 20! Erm, i'd love to do a Vera and give you all my mailing address but that would go against the whole point of anonymity- especially since I've given you my birthday and location :S.

Wordsmith live from London!/ Little Wordsmith business

2008-09-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

Hello people, this is me reporting to you live from London, and I am here to tell you that the Nigerians have taken over i repeat, the Nigerians have taken over. This city is no longer an English city, as we all know it is now a world city run by Nigerians and Indians.

Speaking of Nigerians, we interrupt out regular programming to report that tomorrow from as early as dawn, do not panic if you see gorgeous young people dressed in green, white or Nigerian national dress. It is a day of pride because if Nigerians have achieved nothing at all, at least they are free to ruin their country all by themselves, and we must celebrate something or the other, am I right?? Right as true Nigerians, bring out your party clothes, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

and now to the regular programming -a very short piece of made up story for your pleasure. Comments and constructive critics are welcome

"...For the heart of man is desperately wicked..." says the Lord

Sometimes I want to do bad things, terrible things. Sometimes I plan … things… before I shake myself and keep walking. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of an unnatural light in my eyes when I look in the mirror. Sometimes, I wish for horrible things and laugh before I realize I should stop. Sometimes I watch movies and I identify with the villain and scream internally when people cheer the death of the bad guy. I am your worst nightmare, because it is not the known ones-the crazy drunk, the crack head, the robber or the laughing lunatic that you should fear. It should be me, who sits on the edge of madness every single second, whose limits blur slowly but with certainty every single day.

I dream dark dreams. Dreams pulling me to join them in the darkness, to help them become reality. Sheer willpower and my mother’s prayers tie me to the light, and that fragile link holds for one more day.

For my sake. for your sake, perhaps it will hold steady. I am not the last of my kind.

Rant.

2008-09-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

Hey people, thanks for ...listening?...reading?...supporting? Anyways thanks. I won't go into further detail about the previous because the whole thing is mostly my own fault.

But, I do have something to get off my chest. Why is it that in Nigeria or at least in Lagos, its so hard to find good work? I love my country but this summer I had to spend the whole time making do with sloppy workmanship in all walks (works?) of life. I may be slightly picky but this "approximate" way of looking at things does NOT work for me. What do I mean by approximate? I mean the way Lagosians will say that's kind of or approximately what you want so why don't you just manage it?

Err...because I'm PAYING for it???

For example an electrician comes to do the wiring and 'fixes' it so that it works but the socket and wires are hanging off the wall precariously and it all looks very shoddy. Like WTF, just because you dont mind living in a hovel doesnt mean I like to live like that.

Or you pay for a French manicure and they can't paint it straight so they tell you you have crooked nails and you need to manage it. Can I get a HELL NO. I had to call the manager before I got a good manicure, and this is after making them do it twice already. Dude, like is this is my first French manicure? I know I don't have crooked nails, don't blame your incompetence on my (by the way, lovely!) nails. Needless to say I need to find a new manicurist in Lagos, does anyone know a good one around Ikeja to Ilupeju area?

Or you ask for a very specific pattern for your very expensive Wodin to be sewn in and the tailor comes back with something that looks nothing like it you have to 'manage' the fugly mess. Why? I have to wear it not the stupid tailor? I want my money back.

Everywhere I went I had to 'manage' substandard service or grin and bear it when everyone tried to cheat me. And to make it worse when I won't stand for all the rubbish my mother starts telling me I'm too picky and I can't fight it because its part of Nigeria.

Let me tell y'all something if everyone keeps 'managing' rubbish, Nigeria will go further into the toilet as long as nobody strives for excellence. We 'manage' everything from bad government, bad schools, bad electricity, bad roads, bad police everything! We just manage and keep silent and then we wonder why our nation sucks! The answer. WE SUCK AT POINTING OUT WRONG THINGS AT THE RIGHT TIME! we wait till it will be difficult to repair before we start to say something...

OK finished ranting

promised I wont be an Alatenumo.

Thinking in London.

2008-09-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

I went to the other side of the world to get away

but you wouldn't let me go, you wouldn't give up

now that I understand how you feel

I find you have finally given up.

Run Times

2008-09-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

***this is only vaguely attached to my past life in a very teeny way i promise, for example I still have a low paying job as a student worker and I don't consider myself in anyway a quiet type :)***

I was exactly 19.605 years old when I first ran out of words. I was silent for the first time in 18 and a half years, the first time since I first started chattering almost without a stopping, except to eat (sometimes I chattered while eating) or sleep. I wish I could tell you a very exciting or tragic story as to why this happened, some story that would make you weep very hard or laugh out loud like IMers claim to do all the time on yahoo messenger. I wish it were a story you could put on Lifetime and make inspirational for women, and struggling people. No, this isn’t that story. I think I had just spoken so much, so fast and for so long that I had said all I had to say about anything.

I was by no means absolutely mute. I answered questions, I asked questions, I spoke to people. I just became that characteristic alien to my previous nature: taciturn.

I was sitting on a bus when it happened. All my friends had gone home for the holidays and I was alone in our small town with no one to chatter at. Someone sat next to me and said: “will you be staying till the end of summer?” and I said “Yes”. I did not say : “Yes, I’ll be working and …..” or “Maybe, I haven’t decided yet but....” Just “Yes”.

I was tired of everything and had a good feeling that everything was tired of me, or at least my voice.

When I got home that day, for the first time the silence in my room did not overwhelm me. I did not immediately turn on the radio, or the TV to fill the silence.

I sat.

I thought

I looked at my life.

My life consisted of a low-paying job that fuelled the purchase of not very attractive low-quality clothing on my US size 10 frame and also the purchase of cheap food that maintained the said size 10 frame

“Not attractive” I thought. All of a sudden, my mind shook and groaned under all the weight of the dissatisfied thoughts that had been repressed amidst my chattering. I felt an almost physical pain as I thought of all the unpleasant aspects of my life

And just like that I decided to run.

I can’t tell you that the minute I started running, I could run everywhere and anywhere without running out of breath. The first time, I turned back after 15 minutes and swore never to go again.

Soon, though I realized that I only got absolute clarity in my head when I was running (or shall I say trying to run…) and soon the weight became too heavy to bear and I wandered out again.

Whenever I put on my sneakers I ran away from all my issues, silently, with no music but my thoughts towards a destination I was not sure existed. I ran in the rain or sun. I ran whether I felt like it or not.

One day, I got to my destination.

I did not recognize my destination when I saw it. It looked strange and unfamiliar. My destination was happy and beautiful. My destination glowed and was full of light. My destination beckoned with a bewitching smile.

My destination was me.

2008-09-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

First of all, my heart goes out to Buttercup o, for those of you in the know just pray for her ...although it will be kind of interesting with a God from Nigeria.

Me: "Dear God, I'm praying for Buttercup"

God: "Abeg, I have people with real names to deal with"

Me: *grovelling* "Please now you know who I mean, Lord"

God: ....long silence "I'll think about it..."

In other news

So tomorrow is my last day at work o :( but no more leaving the house at ridiculous hours :)

Its kind of annoying but today when I'm about to leave all the fine boys started work *HHHISSSSSS* . I am not obsessed with boys but like i've had to manage all kinds of ugly so and sos toasting me and the fine ones are now just coming. I'm so annoyed ...they're prolly wondering what happened to my face (i keep squeezing it cos my colleague keeps going on about how fine they are and how much she's looking forward to working with them)

anyway sha i'm excited to be going back to school...Did i tell y'all that although I usually go to school in Boston I'll be in the Europe on exchange soon. Yup. I love travelling up and down and pretending to be a JetSetter.

I heard that the Nigerians in Europe (particularly UK) scene is extremely snobbish..any ideas if this is true and why?

Funny/Weird Story number 1

You know that guy who was calling me almost religiously that I mentioned, well I thought I should send him a package since he has been burning up his phone cards on me. That was now the last time I heard from him. Did I overwhelm him or what? It was just a small present o nothing too fancy. Ah Well. I'm off to the land of hot gentlemen. i don't mind, I'm a single 20 year old. The world is my oyster.

Funny/Weird Story number 2

Ok yesterday on my way home from work , I saw a tow truck with a car on its back and towing another. I now saw it broken down later in traffic being towed by another truck so imagine. a truck being towed by a truck being towed by another truck while carrying a truck. priceless. O ye kin ya photo (I shoulda taken a pic)

And Finally

Getting back to my wordsmith role I gat a short story for you guys...as soon as I finish it.

Thanks to everyone who stopped by my blog! I'm so happy to have been Charized. Chari go and call B'cup o or something

Toodles,

Smith

Getting to know you...

2008-09-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember The King and I which was like the razz junior brother to the Sound of Music. There was this song on it called "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you..."

I know. dryness. but its stuck in my head so sue me...

Alright *cracks knuckles* here goes..

Wait! So I had a GREAT weekend and...alright i'll get to it...

Charizzle asks

1. What's your greatest fear...

That'll be a tie between being morbidly obese and going to hell after a painful death. Call me shallow but the thought of being very fat scares me

2. Are u wit someone now..how una meet? do u think he's the one...

I'm not with anyone, but I do have someone I really like that calls me in Lagos everyday from where I go to school abroad. weird. we met at a geeky african students meeting. i think he could be perfect for me but I don't believe in 'the one'

3. Tell us what ur lofty dreams are..

My lofty dreams include making my name famous in Nigeria in a good way for generations to come
.
4. Ur favorite spots on blogville...

Too many to mention...you know how you can go from blog to blog for hours on end? but for now i'll say the ex-school nerd, afrobabe as well as everyone on her blogroll, Vera, You and Buttercup (no but seriously), Solomonsydelle etc

Temite asks
"What was your biggest mistake and did u learn anything from it"
I don't really know yet as in time will tell. For now I think my biggest mistake was letting my self esteem issues control me when I was much younger, but now I've learnt not to be afraid of anybody's idea of me.

Buttercup is like
"Are you male or female"
Tried to be vaguely ambigous but I'm glad to be a woman. or girl. dunno. when do you cross the line?? whenever i say a woman my mum bursts out laughing sooo...

Anyway I hope this was fun...everyone loves to peek into other people's lives don't they?

Later!
Smith

Get to know the 'smith

2008-09-05T02:18:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm an Aseju person (excessive person). First I run away and don't come back for months and now im blogging everyday. I used to be a regular blogger before I deleted my blog a couple of years ago... and now this is the new re-invented me. This is supposed to be a mishmash of submission : short stories, poetry and my life.

Getting to work today was dramatic o-(even the work I was rushing to I'm here blogging! Pssshhhwww) First of all the driver doesnt show up till 7 am and if youve read my post from 2 days ago you'll know why this is drama. In addition, he ran a stop sign (really just a man dressed in black screaming 'STOP!!!' same difference ehn?) and got arrested. So I left him and hitch-hiked to work. Yes. I hitch-hiked in Lagos. God really has my back...

So...we're going to play a little game called 'Get to know the 'Smith' so I can make friends on blogville and stop being horribly lonely hehe. This is how it goes, anyone who reads this has to leave a comment with any question for me except "What's your real name?" or a meme and I have to answer it. shikena! so easy!!

In addition each week I blog I will mention a blog I think is extremely well-written. (i'm so full of myself ain't I? one person is reading this and i think i'm a star lol)

nyways

toodles!

Goodness gracious me, 2 posts in 2 days...

2008-09-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

I certainly did not write this...but I think its excellent...these are lyrics by Mark Schultz. It's making me cry at the moment... So pretty

Walking Her Home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you’ll never leave her side
He took her to a show in town
And he was ten feet off the ground

(Chorus)
He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he’s got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

(Chorus)

He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night
And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out

But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Mark Schultz / © 2003 Crazy Romaine Music (ASCAP) (Adm. by The Loving Company)

Insert Clever Title Here

2008-09-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

To any ghost readers there :), I haven't been on this blog because I had absolutely nothing to say that I thought was important. It has however recently come to my attention that things I consider to be extremely boring may be interesting to others.

At the moment I'm in Lagos ...I have been for three months actually. And Yes, I actually feel a little comfortable now that there has been a little bit of light... :D That's actually the only thing that can completely drive me from Lagos. Electricity. I hate hustling to iron or wash my clothes, or pump water o anything like that. Anyway Lagos is now looking fresh o...as in there might be something in this Eko o ni baje thing sha.

I've been working in Lagos and battling the third mainland issue ...if you guys havent heard about it...there's one major way of getting from the Lagos Mainland (mostly middle class housing) to the Island (mostly upper class housing and business district) and that is the Third Mainland. Now this Third Mainland was rumoured to have been vibrating and for once in the life of Nigerians, it was actually decided to save lives BEFORE a major catastrophe could happen and actually start repairing the bridge. SO part of this major bridge that at least half of Lagos' ten million residents drive through at least once a week is closed. Chaos ensued.

But ...its been rather organized and I usually get driven so I can catch up on my sleep when I leave the house at 6 15 am to get to work at 9am (nope not a typo...)

In short Lagosians are still alive and kicking. We will survive because we always survive, that is the Lagos way...as long as no Tsunami shows up we'll be good... (God forbid...I have a morbid imagination)

Wanderer

2008-05-23T15:18:00.000-07:00

Are you going home? they say
I give the same answer day after day.

The real answer weighs heavy...
I should say-
I have no home. no,
Not really.

I have no place with that all-encompassing feeling
of comfortable warmth and constant healing..
no place that feels that special brand of right
so that I can just let go,
no such place for me, oh no.

Everywhere I am I want to be home
Even where I should be.

First post

2008-05-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

so i just wanted a place to write a little every week and get feedback. that's all..im trying to get more diligent with my writing.

Here's my first thing

Tears are for the weak

Inside me they
pour like water from a broken dam.
They thunder,
leaving destruction and pain,
lots of pain, in their path.

They hurt like something is
physically wrong and
my heart really does feel like it’s
broken in two and leaking,

leaking torrents of tears.

These relentless inside tears are
Unstoppable and free-flowing
They simply
Just won’t go away.

But
Outside me that damn dam stays strong and
I look up and smile seemingly easily
Because a long time ago I learned that
tears are only for the weak.

nigerianwordsmith

Corruption

Addendum to pray for Nigeria

Praying for Nigeria

I hope it lasts

Tribal Marks

Tell me why

Thisday Awards 2010

Food thoughts

Gender wahala / Happy Single Awareness day

why?

Since i've been gone!

Graduation

Only one.

Today or True Story 2.

Thoughtfulness

True Story

Vanity upon vanity

Looking for me?

REMEMBER THIS---OMG

Cheers!

I want to know...

the Nigerian Woman and the Soccer/Football Team

I did not...

On the much maligned nigerian woman

Chris Brown on manager...

It ends now

today

Amazon.

Wanderer

today

Why I love my women's college

World Members...

What a girl wants

10 honest things about meee!

I am so sorryyyyy!

As you like it

Legend...wait for it...

No words required

Nigeria Here I come

Ultimate bit of randomness

I NEED YOUR HELP

I'm famous LOL

Are my thoughts worth a Penny? : A day in wordsmith's life

The Circle

Mumbai...

Wordsmith presents...

God Answers Prayers ...

Friends...

SEX

So, i got a letter from myself...

I love my friends...

Birthday Post!!

You have GOT to be kidding me

On Angelina's plan to adopt more kids

Blog Action Day

Dear God

Guess what!

Wordsmith live from London!/ Little Wordsmith business

Rant.

Thinking in London.

Run Times

Getting to know you...

Get to know the 'smith

Goodness gracious me, 2 posts in 2 days...

*Insert Clever Title Here*

Wanderer

First post

Insert Clever Title Here